Republican Presidential Candidate, Ben Carson, Claims Earth Only 6 Days Old

Ben Carson says, "The Earth is only 6 days old. I know this is true because I'm a Christian, a neuroscientist, and I read the Bible, and I'm really, really, really smart. If you don't agree with me just come on over here, and I'll punch your liberal ass right in the nose!"

Ben Carson says, “The Earth is only 6 days old.  I know this is true because I’m a Christian, a neurosurgeon, and I read the Bible.  Also, I’m really, really, really smart.  If you don’t agree with me just come on over here, and I’ll punch your liberal ass right in the nose!”

Yagottabekiddin Town, Illinois.   Just when you thought the Republican Party could not appear more intellectually and morally challenged than it already is, Ben Carson, the Republican front-runner to win the Party’s nomination for President, announced today the Earth is only 6 days old.  “I’m a Christian,” Carson said earlier, “and Christians, by nature, are very smart people.  However, some of us think the Earth is 6000 years old, and this is just crazy.  My years of studying to become a neurosurgeon have made me really, really, really smart.  When you combine this with my devout Christian beliefs, it makes me the smartest man alive.  Thus, when I tell you the Earth is only 6 days old, you’d better friggin’ believe me.  Hell, I may very well be your next President, America, and if that happens, and I find out you don’t believe me when I tell you the Earth is only 6 days old, I’m gonna come to your house and punch you in your liberal nose.  So, believe a smart guy like me: the Earth is only 6 days old, and remember, vote Republican, and vote for Ben Carson, the smartest friggin’ man alive.”

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35 thoughts on “Republican Presidential Candidate, Ben Carson, Claims Earth Only 6 Days Old

  1. “In America, it’s possible to be President and an idjit. As a matter of fact, it’s a requirement.”
    You’ve taken the words right out of my mouth 😉

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  2. It downright pains me that such a blithering idiot is actually persuading the rest of the idjits that he could be POTUS. Oh. My. Thor.

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  3. It is possible to be a good artist and an idjit in every other field. You don’t have to be a great thinker to separate two pieces of tissue, you only need to know where the tissue is

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  4. “The earth is only 6 days old… My years of studying…” – haha!

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  5. “Give me that old-time religion, Give me that old-time religion, Give me that old-time religion, It’s good enough for me.”

    Yee-haw!!!

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  6. Do the long unpronouncable German words become pronouncable with enough beer?

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  7. Now just remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

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  8. Oooh, I didn’t realize I was promoting plate tectonics. Do you feel the earth move when I click your button?

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  9. I think Ben Carson is evidence of humans’ incredible ability to compartmentalize.

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