Nuclear Missiles Don’t Kill People, People Kill People

This Baby Will Look Great Next To My TV And Put 4 Metaphorical Inches On My Dick

This Baby Would Look Great Next To The TV In My Apartment

Bloodbath City, Oklahoma.    Hello Pontificator readers.  Today I want to talk to you about a very serious issue: My desire to own a nuclear missile.  You may be asking yourselves why I would want to own such a thing, and would it be legal for me to do so.  Let me start off by saying, yes, it is completely legal for me to own a nuclear missile.  The Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution gives me the right to keep and bear arms.  It does not specify which arms I can keep.  It simply guarantees my right to bear and keep them.  My right to own a nuclear missile is not negated by the fact that, back in the day, no one had a friggin’ clue what nuclear weapons were or how dangerous they would be.  To tell me, a mostly responsible adult, that I can’t have one is against the American Constitution and all it stands for.  Secondly, nuclear missiles DO NOT kill people.  People kill people.  Have you ever heard of a nuclear missile arming itself and launching itself at a city all on its own?  Of course not.  That’s just plain nuts.  PEOPLE launch nukes.  They don’t launch themselves.  Period.  And, I, should I obtain one, promise not to launch it.  Actually, I don’t even know how to launch such a device so the threat of me doing so is non-existent.

People Kill People With Nuclear Energy, Not Nuclear Missiles

I Promise This Won’t Ever Happen With The Nuclear Missile I Wish To Own

Finally, as to why I want to own a nuclear missile, I have only this to say.  My penis is rather average in size, and though owning a gun, which would be far easier to obtain, by the way, might make me feel like it’s a tad bigger than it really is, a gun fails in comparison to how huge my penis will feel if I owned a nuclear missile.  As well, I think a nuke would look lovely next to the TV in my apartment.  So, there you have my inarguable reasons for wanting to own a nuclear missile.  To deny me in this endeavor is to decree yourself an enemy of America and her Constitution.  Also, you’d be denying me the illusion of feeling like I have a huge penis, and who would want to do that?

Thank you for reading, and please, be careful out there.  The world is just crawling with crazy people looking for quick and easy ways to kill you.

34 thoughts on “Nuclear Missiles Don’t Kill People, People Kill People

  1. Perfect! There’s nothing else to add, I’m tweeting this ❤


  2. Just a question from a great fan, but wouldn’t a strap on penis over your own enlarger be more practical. After all, no big problem of storage or awkward questions from visitors, ( unless you wore it out side your pants full time ) Plus think of the much more enjoyment the one you have that wants to be penetrated would feel better for that than the nuke up his / her ( sorry my own ideas ) best spot . I am just saying you could go off many times in such a device where a nuke up the butt ( or in your case the ..Other side ) pretty much ends the whole conversation afterwards. What do you think? I feel it has nothing to do with second amendment rights and simply partner pleasing and sexual revolution. The GOP hates that view. Hugs


  3. Looks like your Constitution will be getting another Amendment then!


  4. Yeah, the hell with that “non-proliferation treaty” which violates my 2nd amendment right to own neutron bombs! 😉


  5. It is your constitutional right to keep a missile for self defense. The world is a war zone out there


  6. An da gummint wunt ta restrik me ta 50 megatons! Over my (and my entire counties) cold, dead hands, I say!


  7. Ha Ha, fantastic, laugh out loud stuff my friend. 🙂


  8. Have I told you yet that you’re a genius?? You know, just in case you wondered. . just wanted to give you a penis . . .err, EGO boost. .. 🙂


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