09.20.15
by

Today’s Message From Jesus

So, I go down to the bloody laundry room to do my laundry this morning and some bitch is down there using, not only all 5 machines, but all 5 dryers as well. When I asked her how long she'd thought she'd be, she tells me, "None of yer fuckin' business asshole!" Needless to say, that was not the answer I was looking for, so I turned the bitch into a newt and sent her laundry into the heart of the sun. Regardless of what you all may have heard about me, I'm not a patient deity, nor am I always nice to people, especially not on laundry day. I fuckin' HATE doin' laundry!

So, I go down to the bloody laundry room to do my laundry this morning and some bitch is down there using, not only all 5 washing machines, but all 5 dryers as well. When I asked her how long she’d thought she’d be, she tells me, “None of yer fuckin’ business asshole!” Needless to say, that was not the answer I was looking for, so I turned the bitch into a newt and sent her laundry into the heart of the sun. Regardless of what you all may have heard about me, I’m not a patient deity, nor am I always nice to people, especially not on laundry day. I fuckin’ HATE doin’ laundry!

26 thoughts on “Today’s Message From Jesus”

  1. Brilliant. You are such required reading, guaranteed a laugh every time.
    PS: he does look pretty pissed off!

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  2. Here’s a little message from me! I posted about you on my Buffet this week! I hope you like my post! Thank you for being awesome!!

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  5. LOL! Still laughing! Thank you, I needed a good laugh! Have a great Sunday.

    Pepperanne

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  6. I’d like to see this dude fix a slow moving supermart queue! I’d become an instant convert!

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  7. It’s nice to know Big J has some human qualities. I actually think I share some of his sentiment. Wish I had that newt spell. Those critters would be crawling around everywhere. 🙂

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