Catholics Aren’t True Christians, Says True Christian

Does NOT Included Catholicism

Does NOT Included Catholicism

Lily-White City, California.   True christian, Phil Urassup, said today that there is nothing more damaging to the true message of Christianity than Catholicism.  “Let’s face it, people,”  Mr. Urassup said earlier,  “there isn’t anything even REMOTELY Christian about the Catholics.  Where, for example, does it say in the Bible that to be saved by Jesus, you must first follow, and worship, the Pope?  Where?  Nowhere, that’s where.  Also, Catholics are a silly, superstitious lot who pray to relics, wear crazy voodoo charms, like scapular medals, and kiss the rings of their clergy as a sign of respect.  DISGUSTING, if you ask me.  Thus, as a True Christian, I must say, Catholicism is, undeniably, a pathway to Hell, and not a pathway to Heaven.  If you’re a Catholic, repent, and pray to Jesus to forgive you for professing such a vile, disgusting lie of a faith.  If you can’t do that, at least profess your hatred of gays.  It is well-known, by True Christians, that Jesus hates gays SO much, he just might forgive someone for being Catholic if their hatred of them is equal to, or greater than, his.   May the all-encompassing love of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you in your attempts to earn God’s love and avoid the fires of Hell by being a True Christian.  For now and forever, Amen.”

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21 thoughts on “Catholics Aren’t True Christians, Says True Christian

  1. I am a bit confused, maybe I just need more rum, but in one of the comments you were saying gross about cannibalism….OK if that is your thing I am OK with you getting grossed out, but dude, don’t you eat christian babies….. You do the deed and then hate it… that is self hatred and I suggest therapy to take care of the self hatred, not the other, the other is a fine time honored tradition of eating each other. 🙂 Hugs Love your posts. Hugs

  2. why do you hate us Katlicks? What have we done to you? We are the true Christians. We eat Jesus in every mass.
    Those protestants work for the devil

  3. Beautiful satire. 🙂

  4. I passed through Lily-White City, California once… very quickly.

  5. Keep spreading that love, brother!

  6. This would be a hell of a lot funnier if it did not so coincide with the opinions, attitudes and behaviors of the Urassups and others of his kind. A serious problem with your satire is that it is preaching to the choir. But then again, perhaps a chuckle is better than my going bat shit cynical about the state of our State and the condition of our culture.

    • Hard for satire to preach to those who don’t see the “satire” in what I write. Anyone can read this blog, not just those who contribute to my Nobel Prize fund. 🙂 The “serious problem”, if there truly is one, with my satire, and satire in general, is that those it mocks too often aren’t bright enough to see they’re being mocked. And that, my friend, is no fault of mine or of satire in general, but of our society and our culture, as you mentioned. So, just laugh. Sometimes, that’s all we can do. $Allahu Akbar$ and $Amen$ 🙂

    • Truer words were never spoken my friend! You keep on doing your thing, you’re always funny (hilarious most of the time) and laughs are what’s most needed in this indeed fucked up world of ours – the people who don’t “get” your message are people who are unable to, and obviously those most in need of it…but that’s hardly your fault. Rock on, you’re awesome!!

    • Thanks. You be AWESOME!!!!

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