Ken Ham Discovered To Be 33,000 Years Old

WTF City, Kentucky.   In simply stunning news today, Harvard Anthropology Professor, Jimmy D. Peenus, announced he has found irrefutable evidence that famous Young Earth Creationist, Ken Ham, is, himself, almost 33,000 years old.  “Mr. Ham is the walking embodiment of a brand new, long-lived form of hominid I’ve named, Homoerectus Ignoramus,” Professor Peenus said earlier.  “I found the evidence for this while I was in the Chauvet-Pont-d’Arc Cave in France examining the stone-age paintings there.  Whilst gazing at one of the paintings, I noticed it more resembled a photograph than an actual painting.  On further inspection, I noticed some writing on the back of the picture which reads, The Earth is only 6000 years old.  Love always, Ken Ham.  I then had the picture carbon dated, and, sure enough, it is, like the other pictures in the cave, approximately 33,000 years old.  The picture in question is shown below.

Photo Of Ken Ham From 33,000 BP Which Was Found In The Chauvet-Pont-d'Arc Cave In France

This Photo Of Ken Ham, From 33,000 BP, Was Found In The Chauvet-Pont-d’Arc Cave In France

Needless to say, I was shocked to realize that I had been standing on the very spot Ken Ham himself stood, 33,000 years ago, spouting his Young Earth Creationist nonsense to a group of primitive human painters.  No known species of animal has ever been reported to live as long as Mr. Ham has.  I must say, however, in conclusion, that I find it rather sad that in all the years he’s lived, Ken Ham has not yet developed the capacity to reason like a mature, educated human being.  The man’s been telling people the Earth is only 6000 years old for all of his 33,000 years on it. You truly can’t get irony any sadder than that.”

 

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32 thoughts on “Ken Ham Discovered To Be 33,000 Years Old

  1. Are you shilling for Charles Taze Russell or Mary Baker Eddy by any chance?

    • Naw. They were false prophets and talked silly non-sense. I, on the other hand, am stone serious and have the empirical evidence of “Faith” to make everything I say true. $Amen$ “Never be anything but serious. You run the risk of not being saved by an invisible deity otherwise.” Jesus to Peter at the last supper, circa 33 CE.

  2. Do you have any empirically falsifiable and rigorously proven metaphyshical speculations on how old Kent Hovind is?

    • I have inspiration from Jeebus, and the irrefutable truth that is The Bible to prove all I say is true. If you doubt me, you are without “True Faith” and, thus, wrong to doubt me. If you doubt me after reading this, you are attacking my belief system and are a nasty no-good-nick. Please contribute 10% of your earnings to my tax-exempt church. $Amen$

  3. Clearly he is a propagandist from the Aliens trying to cover up their wanton booty calls on the planet several million years ago when earth was just a way station on the way to a more advanced civilization in a galaxy far far away from here. We are the bones in the alien’s closet. 🙂

  4. Ah, the embodiment of deranged, the D in delusion, the butt of many atheist jokes. Hambone. It never ceases to be funny! If ever there was a stooge to stand for the crazy in creationism, it is this fool.

    Great work. 🙂

    • He’s the answer to my atheist/comedic prayers. That a non-developmentally disabled adult can be as willfully ignorant as Ham is a true wonder of life.

    • As a source of amusement this guy is the Everest of material. If it weren’t such delusional B.S. it wouldn’t be nearly as funny.

      I say this plague of insanity upon our society, it’s Zande’s fault for letting him loose. It was more likely an elaborate plan to get rid of him! We need to send him 2 Rick Perry’s, one Trump and a GWB to get even!

    • I agree.

  5. He’s just another shape-shifting lizard-like alien from beyond the stars.

  6. Hahaha! Just brilliant
    homo ignoramus he sure is

  7. When I first heard the acronym BCE and asked what it stood for, I thought the teacher said, “Before common error.” I thought, “Wow, that’s honest. It didn’t think the schools were publicly acknowledging that the whole Christ thing was a big mistake.”

  8. You had me at the title.

  9. Thank you for this breaking news, but I have two questions if I may ( without lighting bolts up my sensitive spots please) First I wonder due to the way divergence of species goes, Ham should therefore not be able to breed with normal mortal humans, and if an offspring did occur with a near relative on the tree it would be sterile. Sort of like his ability to reason. second…are you sure he is not a leftover type of dinosaur trying to hide out from the grim reaper, sort of like a triceratops in the witness protection program ? just asking. Hugs and thanks

  10. I believe I just snorted. Thanks for bringing out this totally un-lady like behaviour in me 😛

  11. And again, on behalf of Australia, we’re sorry!

  12. “I must say, however, in conclusion, that I find it rather sad that in all the years he’s lived, Ken Ham has not yet developed the capacity to reason like a mature, educated human being.”

    Proof positive that evolution is naturally selective.

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