The Arm Chair Pontificator Is Proud To Present, Advice From Christ
Greetings ACP readers and welcome to the first ever edition of Advice From Christ. Jesus, being the close personal friend of mine he is, has agreed to answer one question a week from one the hundreds of millions of people who read this blog regularly. Today’s question comes from a 14-year-old follower of the site named Mary Sweetness who asks:
Jesus, My Boyfriend Is Insisting That We Go All The Way On Our Next Date Or He’ll Leave Me For Someone Who Will. I Really Like Him And Don’t Want To Lose Him, But I’m Still A Virgin And Really Not Ready Yet To Go All The Way. What Should I Do? Thanks.
Mary, I’ll Be Blunt. Your Boyfriend Sounds Like A Real Asshole. He’s Trying To Force You Into Something You’re Obviously Not Ready For. Dump The Son Of A Bitch. He’s A Wife-Abusing Misogynist In The Making And You Don’t Need Him. Save Yourself For When You Feel You Are Ready. The Right Boy Will Appreciate You For It. Just Remember To Use A Condom When You Do Have Sex. I Wouldn’t Want You To Get An STD Or Become Pregnant When You Didn’t Want To. Hope You Find This Advice Helpful, Jesus.