Texas Killed By Assassin’s Bullet

The Great, Conservative State Of Texas Was Killed Today By An Assassins Bullet That Authorities Believe Was Fired From A Tall Building Somewhere Near The New Mexico/Texas Border.   Texas Is Survived By Its Fellow Southern, Conservative States, Florida & Mississippi.  Funeral Services For Texas Will Be Held This Wednesday On The Oklahoma/Texas Border From 8AM Until 7PM, CST.  After Services,  The Murdered State Will Be Cut Free Of The Mainland And Set Adrift In The Gulf Of Mexico Will It Will Be Blown To Bits By The Fire Power Of A Thousand Drones Armed With Nuclear Missals.  Rest In Peace, Texas.  Your Conservative, Self-Righteous, Christian Bullshit Will Surely Be Missed By All Who Knew You.

The Great, Conservative State Of Texas Was Killed Today By An Assassin’s Bullet That Authorities Believe Was Fired From A Tall Building Somewhere Near The New Mexico/Texas Border. Texas Is Survived By Its Fellow Southern, Conservative States, Florida & Mississippi. Funeral Services For Texas Will Be Held This Wednesday On The Oklahoma/Texas Border From 8AM Until 7PM, CST. After Services, The Murdered State Will Be Cut Free Of The Mainland And Set Adrift On The Gulf Of Mexico Where It Will Be Blown To Bits By The Fire-Power Of A Thousand Drones Armed With A Thousand Nuclear Missiles.ย ย  Rest In Peace, Texas. Your Conservative, Self-Righteous, Gun-Toting, Christian Bullshit Will Surely Be Missed By All Who Knew You.

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28 thoughts on “Texas Killed By Assassin’s Bullet

  1. What? Texas just got shot? And it didn’t see it coming? Wow, I’m kinda shocked by that. Still, I shan’t mourn it. And even worse, I laughed while reading this ๐Ÿ˜›

  2. You wrote a wonderful obit, but did you mean to leave out the child out of wedlock, also known as the bastard child named Louisiana? Does it get any inheritance? Has anyone though to notify Its spokesman Booby Jingle? ๐Ÿ™‚ Hugs

  3. I swear I hit the shift key on those Texas-es. I need a new keyboard or something…

  4. Oh man, I was born in Texas! That does not in any way imply I am a Texan, or sympathize with general Texan beliefs, or follow any Texas doctrine, or affiliation with Texas.

    I am kind of glad to see it go.

  5. So that Jade Helm conspiracy theory was right?

  6. It didn’t have a gun to protect itself?

  7. Poor Austin!

  8. LOL — at your post and your comment to John. Looks like your nested threads are set to one reply. Also, if Texas turned blue, it would probably take them decades to reverse the damage.

  9. Hey, from everything I’ve heard, Texas is is on the cusp of turning Blue. 20 Electoral seats! (Or is it more?)

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