Donald Trump Eaten By His Own Toupee

Trump's Toupee Just Hours After Eating Him

Trump’s Toupee, Just Minutes After Eating Him

Assville, New York.   In shocking news today, Donald Trump, Republican presidential candidate, bigot, and all around shit-heal, was devoured by his own toupee whilst hurling racial insults at Mexicans during a press conference.   “It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Fox News reporter, Ivana Blowyew.  “Mr. Trump was proudly denouncing Mexican people and boldly proclaiming the superiority of filthy rich, conservative white males when his toupee began chewing him up and swallowing him.  The more Mr. Trump screamed, the faster the toupee ate.  Blood was spewing everywhere.  It ended after about 5 minutes when the toupee swallowed Mr. Trump’s feet and shoes and let out a final, enormous belch.  The toupee paused for a few minutes to let photographers in the room get a few pictures of it, then it scurried away out an open window.  The whole thing was just horrible.  Hopefully the toupee will leave other stinking rich, conservative, balding white bigots alone, but from what I saw, I’d say the damn thing has developed a craving for them.  So, be on the lookout if you match this description.”

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45 thoughts on “Donald Trump Eaten By His Own Toupee

  1. Orange is the new hack.

  2. Trumps hair was last seen sneaking aboard the USS Enterprise. Starfarers beware.

  3. I thought Tribbles were vegetarian? You learn something new every day.

    If anyone had it coming, it was the Trumpster. Which rhymes with dumpster. Which seems about right.

  4. I don’t feel sorry for the late Trump

  5. Oh, it does not surprise me. Other ass holes has been consumed by their toupees and Mr Trump won’t be the last.

  6. I need to tweet this

  7. This is hilarious! WHY are you not a full time satirist for some mag or something?

  8. Hahahahaha

  9. Keep it coming. That assclown deserves it all.

    • He’s a true fuck head. Today, or yesterday, he insulted John McCain by saying he isn’t a war hero for having been a tortured POW for years in Vietnam. What a pussy. He needs to be a POW and tortured for years, the prick.

    • I saw that. Now, McCain can never be forgiven for $arah, but it’s pretty low to belittle his torture.

    • I agree. But to do this to the guy? I’ve always known Trump was a lazy, spoiled pussy, but this, and his insults to Mexicans, just put him into a league of evil all his own.

  10. Ha! This is something that could be in The Onion.

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