Fundamentalist Christian, Dick Biggens Says, Atheists Suck!
Jesus Hates Fags City, Mississippi. Hello everyone. My name is Dick Biggens. I’m a Fundamentalist Christian and a firm believer that, not only will atheists one day burn in Hell beneath the sandal-ed feet of Our All Loving Lord, Jesus Christ, they also suck. I have five specific points on why atheists suck, but before I list them, I will first define for you exactly what an atheist is. An atheist is any person who has not accepted Our All Loving Lord, Jesus Christ, as their true Lord and Savior. The only thing worse than an atheist in the eyes of Jesus are faggots. Faggots are so despicable in Jesus’ eyes that, even if they accept Him as their Lord and Savior, He will still hate them for being faggots and burn them in the fires of Hell for eternity after they die. And now, here is my list of ten reasons why atheists suck.
1.) Atheists suck because they are all faggots. As I stated above, Jesus, Our All Loving Savior, hates nothing more than faggots. Thus, since Jesus hates faggots AND atheists, all atheists are faggots. See? Simple.
2.) Atheists suck because they do not bow down and kiss the asses of Fundamentalist Christians the way Jesus demands they do. We like our asses kissed and hate those who refuse to kiss them. Nothing faggy about this, we just love the feel of warm lips on our Fundamentalist Christian asses, male and female.
3.) Atheists suck because they refuse to read the Bible correctly. The correct way to read the Bible is our way. Not reading the Bible our way is a sign that atheists are lazy, uneducated ninnies whose hearts are black and full of sticky, gooey, bile. Also, since atheists refuse to read the Bible our way, it proves they are not open to reason, and horrible at doing research into why our way of reading the Bible is the ONLY way to read the Bible. idjits. The whole sucky lot of ’em.
4.) Atheists suck because they lack any sense of morality. It is well-known within Fundamentalist Christian circles that all atheists are cannibals. In particular, they enjoy eating little babies that they’ve ripped from the wombs of good, Fundamentalist Christian women. Only people without morals would do this, and, as I stated earlier, atheists have no morals. A person with no morals is also a cannibal. Atheists have no morals. Therefor, all atheists are cannibals. Solid reasoning, is it not?
5.) Lastly, for today, I’ll leave you with this immaculate bit of Fundamentalist Christian reasoning. People who do not accept Our All Loving Lord, Jesus Christ, as their true Savior, suck. Atheists do not accept Our All Loving Lord, Jesus Christ, as their Savior. Therefor, all atheists suck.
Yours in Our All Loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Dick Biggens.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
as gay man in a long time relationship and also an atheist, I have it great as I ahve been told I do very well at the above suggestion….hehehehehe….Thanks for the laugh. Hugs
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$Amen$
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Am I the only one waiting for the other 5 reasons? Apparently Dick can only count to five. Typical creationist.
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There are no numbers past 5 according to Dick and other creationists. $Amen$
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After reading this I can only once again congratulate myself on sucking big time! 😉
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I suck too. Ain’t it grand?
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I think Dick Biggens encapsulates the modern Bi-Pedal Hominid methodology of critical thinking with stunning accuracy. Surely he could be a better politician, or mass media mogul where his adroit manipulations of the wrong section of the holy dictatum regarding certain progressive subjects would have dramatic effect on the non-cogitating public. 🙂
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Burp! Correct you are, good Sir. Burp! Excuse me, I’ve bean gas cogitating in my stomach. 🙂
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Excellent flatulence mitigation technique while developing critical thinking outputs. I tend to express my thoughts in large crowds by holding my bean gas cogitations to full maturity and then let my opinion fly with boisterous windy bloviations. Really backs the crowd up a bit and focuses their attention on critical survival efforts instead of less mundane subjects like politics and sports. 🙂
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Burp!
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I meant, GO BLACKHAWKS! Burp! 🙂
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I understood perfectly. BRAP! Whoops…
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Doncha just hate when that happens?
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Yes. It’s very disconcerting for those exposed to my outbursts of political opinion. It’s the canned refried beans. I should know better by now.
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Burp!
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Dick Biggens is high on the right things.
And as SOM would say, this is atheist pyschosis. Did that guy ever go to any school?
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The school of Dick Biggens Readin’ ‘N Writin’.
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What are the admission requirements in that school
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You must have an IQ lower than a kangaroo.
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Do you think Romeo qualifies? I would like to second him
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He runs the place.
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Hahaha. In that case I guess CS is the principal
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School nurse.
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That fits him quite well
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I think so too. He’s such a healer that guy.
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I think he uses English to confuse the inmates at the asylum
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Imagine a place run by him, Romeo, and SoM. Ugh.
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One would go insane on their visit to see what happens in a such a centre
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And Ken Ham would be the science teacher in the school.
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Everyone passes their tests
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As long as they’re true believers that is.
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True believers as per who? Each of them must have their own definition of true belief
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Your question is not allowed at this school. You’re expelled. Sorry. 🙂
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Do I get refunds?
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No. You owe them 10 percent of your income just because they spoke to you. $Amen$
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Do they accept heavenly visas?
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They do actually. You’re in luck.
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I will send my card via penguin express, they can draw all the money on it
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$Amen$
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Dick Biggens? I think that’s what happens when people suck. :ducks:
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How bout when ducks suck people?
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Hey Dick, keep goin’ for the biggens! Yur on to somethin’ with proven logic in it.
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$Amen$ 🙂
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Dick Biggens is my kind of guy. I was going to argue that surely homosexuals were held in higher esteem than atheists, but then he took care of that for me in #1 (sort of). I can find no fault in his logic…it’s a touch circular in places, but that’s a good thing when you’re in religious circles. Logic that follow straight lines can only from The Big Goat. Carry on, ACP!
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Dick’s logic is impeccable because Dick says so. Therefor, Dick’s logic is impeccable. Gotta love Dick. 🙂
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Religious circles. Pun intentional?
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“What fun would it be to intentionally pun? Why, no fun at all to intentionally pun, no fun in the sun to do that without gum.” Winnie the Pooh, circa 1976
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Hello ratamacue! Of course the pun was intentional…but the typos in the last sentence were not. 🙂
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Atheists suck because they refuse to read the Bible correctly
Ain’t that the truth!
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The absolute truth. 🙂
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