Fundamentalist Christian, Dick Biggens, On Why Atheists Suck

TACP'S Republican Presidential Candidate, Dick Biggens

Fundamentalist Christian, Dick Biggens Says, Atheists Suck!

Jesus Hates Fags City, Mississippi.  Hello everyone. My name is Dick Biggens.  I’m a Fundamentalist Christian and a firm believer that, not only will atheists one day burn in Hell beneath the sandal-ed feet of Our All Loving Lord, Jesus Christ, they also suck.  I have five specific points on why atheists suck, but before I list them, I will first define for you exactly what an atheist is.  An atheist is any person who has not accepted Our All Loving Lord, Jesus Christ, as their true Lord and Savior.  The only thing worse than an atheist in the eyes of Jesus are faggots.  Faggots are so despicable in Jesus’ eyes that, even if they accept Him as their Lord and Savior, He will still hate them for being faggots and burn them in the fires of Hell for eternity after they die.  And now, here is my list of ten reasons why atheists suck.

1.) Atheists suck because they are all faggots.  As I stated above, Jesus, Our All Loving Savior, hates nothing more than faggots.  Thus, since Jesus hates faggots AND atheists, all atheists are faggots.  See?  Simple.

2.) Atheists suck because they do not bow down and kiss the asses of Fundamentalist Christians the way Jesus demands they do.  We like our asses kissed and hate those who refuse to kiss them.  Nothing faggy about this, we just love the feel of warm lips on our Fundamentalist Christian asses, male and female.

3.) Atheists suck because they refuse to read the Bible correctly.  The correct way to read the Bible is our way.  Not reading the Bible our way is a sign that atheists are lazy, uneducated ninnies whose hearts are black and full of sticky, gooey, bile.  Also, since atheists refuse to read the Bible our way, it proves they are not open to reason, and horrible at doing research into why our way of reading the Bible is the ONLY way to read the Bible.  idjits.  The whole sucky lot of ’em.

4.) Atheists suck because they lack any sense of morality.  It is well-known within Fundamentalist Christian circles that all atheists are cannibals.  In particular, they enjoy eating little babies that they’ve ripped from the wombs of good, Fundamentalist Christian women.  Only people without morals would do this, and, as I stated earlier, atheists have no morals.  A person with no morals is also a cannibal.  Atheists have no morals.  Therefor, all atheists are cannibals.  Solid reasoning, is it not?

5.) Lastly, for today, I’ll leave you with this immaculate bit of Fundamentalist Christian reasoning.  People who do not accept Our All Loving Lord, Jesus Christ, as their true Savior, suck.  Atheists do not accept Our All Loving Lord, Jesus Christ, as their Savior.  Therefor, all atheists suck.

Yours in Our All Loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Dick Biggens.

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50 thoughts on “Fundamentalist Christian, Dick Biggens, On Why Atheists Suck

  1. as gay man in a long time relationship and also an atheist, I have it great as I ahve been told I do very well at the above suggestion….hehehehehe….Thanks for the laugh. Hugs

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  2. Am I the only one waiting for the other 5 reasons? Apparently Dick can only count to five. Typical creationist.

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  3. After reading this I can only once again congratulate myself on sucking big time! 😉

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  4. I think Dick Biggens encapsulates the modern Bi-Pedal Hominid methodology of critical thinking with stunning accuracy. Surely he could be a better politician, or mass media mogul where his adroit manipulations of the wrong section of the holy dictatum regarding certain progressive subjects would have dramatic effect on the non-cogitating public. 🙂

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  5. Dick Biggens is high on the right things.
    And as SOM would say, this is atheist pyschosis. Did that guy ever go to any school?

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  6. Dick Biggens? I think that’s what happens when people suck. :ducks:

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  7. Hey Dick, keep goin’ for the biggens! Yur on to somethin’ with proven logic in it.

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  8. Dick Biggens is my kind of guy. I was going to argue that surely homosexuals were held in higher esteem than atheists, but then he took care of that for me in #1 (sort of). I can find no fault in his logic…it’s a touch circular in places, but that’s a good thing when you’re in religious circles. Logic that follow straight lines can only from The Big Goat. Carry on, ACP!

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  9. Atheists suck because they refuse to read the Bible correctly

    Ain’t that the truth!

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