Tevye Says, “Up Yours!” To Conspiracy Theorists
Bullshit City, Wisconsin. In news sure to agitate anti-Semites and Tea Party members alike, Conspiracy expert, John Fulovcrap, said today that, after hundreds of hours of internet research, he has conclude there is no such thing as a “Jewish Conspiracy” running the Governments of the world. “That would imply all Jews know each other somehow, just cause they’re Jewish,” Mr. Fulovcrap said. “Maybe it’s just me, but I see no way that could be even remotely possible. Therefor, knowing full well that there certainly is a conspiracy of some kind going on, I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t the Jews who are the conspiracy. It’s the idiots saying the Jews are the conspiracy who are themselves the conspiracy.
You Fuckin’ Conspiracy Theorists ARE The Fuckin’ Conspiracy!
Conspiracy advocates, like religious fanatics, are experts in the fine art of chosen ignorance. This, when coupled with narcissism and idiocy, creates an intellectual annoyance akin to the sound of hundreds of nails being scraped over hundreds of chalk boards hundreds of times, over and over again. Conspiracy advocates, and here I mean to be deliberately insulting, are incapable of logic. They insist they have a divine insight, granting them the power of infallibility, when it comes to the conspiracy theory they espouse. ‘If I can think of it, it’s likely that it’s true. Those not seeing this are ignorant and blind.’ These statements form the very foundation of the ‘Conspiracy Faith’. For that, indeed, is what these conspiracies have become: Religions. Religions built on Faith that the conspiracy is more real than reality. To make fantastic claims, hell, to make any claim, without having solid tangible, evidence to back it up is akin to claiming a man died and came back to life, and we MUST accept this on faith alone; follow those who tell it to us blindly, and never question it because doing so is bad. Screw that. And screw conspiracy theorists. THEY are the conspiracy. Their conspiracy is to confound people, to keep them ignorant of the power a real education brings.
Please Don’t Take Away My Conspiracies!
The fear of the conspiracy theorist is he’ll be called out on the fact he’s really full of shit. He fears to lose the power he has by being an expert on the bullshit he vomits out. His arrogance and self-righteous air of importance are built on fantasy and lies which will collapse like egg shells under him if more people but took the time to smell the shit oozing from his twisted pores. The conspiracy starts and ends with the conspiracy theorist. Take away his power, and you take away the conspiracy. And that, my dear friends, is the divinely stated truth on that!”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
You are great. I love your writings and your wit. I have a conspiracy here going on..my mouth and my tummy seem to have a conspiracy against my anus. Seems they want to force me to eat a whole lot of stuff that makes me poop my few brains out and my backside screams in burning pain unless I accept their God…and their god is .@##%%^^^%$#@#…..{sorry this message has been intercepted and deleted by the higher learned one..ZAP. 🙂 hugs
LikeLike
Hilarious comment my friend. Thanks. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
Conspiracy advocates, like religious fanatics, are experts in the fine art of chosen ignorance. This, when coupled with narcissism and idiocy, creates an intellectual annoyance akin to the sound of hundreds of nails being scraped over hundreds of chalk boards hundreds of times, over and over again. ”
Such fine writing, added to truth and wit 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you, my friend. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Conspiracy theorists are actually very normal well adjusted people that have tapped into the brain’s power to use it’s unfettered imagination to develop critical facts about unknown things. Another characteristic of the well adjusted and normal functioning brain is once a complete farce, devoid of any real fact of reality is developed, it cannot be rejected. The only way to avoid this normal behavior is to use copious amounts of hallucinogenics which substitute a new unreality for the previous unreal reality. This is an excellent way for normal people to grow their skill sets at bull poop development. This is the reason reality is so unreal and conspiracy theories are a sign of a well functioning society. Or not. 🙂
LikeLike
$Amen$
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on The Blogging Path and commented:
Off-topic rant: In defence of conspiracy theorists, religious fanatics, and other anonymous paranoid schizophrenics alike, most tangible evidence that y’all seek are CLASSIFIED and therefore conspiracies continue to be alive and well, just like any storytelling meant to keep most distracted and entertained at best. Just saying.
LikeLike
I’d comment, but it would be classified, so I won’t. $Amen$ 😀
LikeLike
I knew it.
LikeLike
I wasn’t sure until Mr. Fulovcrap made his eloquent statement on the issue.
LikeLiked by 1 person