Jesus stopped by TACP offices today to pay me the ten bucks he owed me on a bet over last night’s basketball game. As usual, he was short and expected me to just let it slide. “No way, JC,” I told him. “You pull this every time you lose a bet to me. So you’re at least giving me an exclusive interview this time to make up for it.” JC agreed to this, and my interview with him follows.
TACP: So, Jesus, Isis tells me you’ve been looking into a good home to retire to once humanity’s faith in you is gone completely. Is that true?
Retired Goddess, Isis And Her Hot Legs
JC: Isis? Wow. You talked to Isis? I haven’t seen her since… Man, I can’t even remember. Does she still have…
TACP: ….Legs that are so seductively sexy you’d swear some god designed ’em just to drive men crazy? She most definitely still does my divine pal. She most definitively still does.
JC: Hot, man! Very hot! You are one lucky man, my know-it-all smart-ass friend, very lucky indeed to have talked to her.
TACP: Well, what can I say? Divine beings like me because I’m funny. But now back to you. Are you really planning to retire and looking for a place to live in once you do?
JC: I am indeed. As is TOTALLY the norm with you humans, you tend to replace your gods like toilet paper once your through using us to justify whatever base, vile nonsense you created us for in the first place. And as homophobia and antisemitism have about run their course with you all, the need for my existence is quickly coming to an end.
TACP: Well, I hope you don’t stop existing before you pay off the bet you lost to me on the Super Bowl last year. Dude, that’s a lot of green you owe!
JC: I’ll pay it! Stop bugging me about it, or I’ll turn you into a newt. I’m not retired yet, wise-ass.
TACP: Fine. Don’t get all pissy. So, have any of the “old god” retirement homes been to your liking?
Jesus Thinking, “Why Didn’t I Retire BEFORE This?”
JC: One has. It’s called, Retirement Villa For The Once Divine. It’s located in Venice, Italy and is just beautiful. All the old Greco-Roman gods have retired there. Zeus, Hercules, Apollo, and Venus gave me a tour of the place and it seemed splendid. All I could ever need is there, as it will be for all eternity. Pretty good bet that’s where I’m going as I already gave them a huge deposit to hold a room for me.
TACP: Oh, you gave THEM a deposit for a future room, but can’t pay what you owe me right now, is that how it works?
JC: Yes. Unless you want to spend eternity as a newt, that is!
TACP: No. I don’t. But thanks for the interview, JC. My readers will love it. I’m going to see Mad Max: Fury Road in a few minutes. Are you interested in joining me?
JC: Sure. And since I owe you money, the tickets and popcorn are on me.
TACP: Awesome. I knew there was a reason I liked you. Now let’s get going. I hear there’s a cool 3D Star Wars preview before the movie, and I don’t want to miss it.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Funny as usual!
But I gotta tell you, on another note, your gravatar image doesn’t link to your blog! It goes to nothing at all. 😰 sometimes I can get to your profile on gravatar and sometimes not. It makes it harder for me to check out your blog! 😭
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Thanks for telling me that. I’ll try to fix it. $Amen$
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😘👍
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Love it..but streets of gold and all the crowns and he couldn’t fence anything to pay off his debts????? hugs and best wishes
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I know, right? 🙂
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🙂 I hope you get your money back before he retires…or he will claim to be on a fixed income and too tight to pay you. Hugs
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I’m on a fixed income. He’d better pay me. 🙂
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🙂 LMAO
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You know, I like your Jesus, kind of a cool dude, pretty irresponsible as well which explains all the senseless deaths going on in this world, all the pain and misery which he could end, apparently, if he just gave a rat’s ass. But somebody who doesn’t pay up when he’s lost a bet is hardly likely to worry about the world’s misery, right?
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*world’s misery. dammit! 😀
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Fixed.
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Very true.
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I haven’t seen “Oh Mighty Isis” in such a long time. Good to see she still has her looks. There might be a place on the Mediterranean JC can retire to. Nice, sunny, and I’m sure they could use the cash (if he pays!)….Greece?
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Great idea. 🙂
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Somebody tell me again how the whole dying on the cross thing made any sense for a god? Why would an all powerful god choose that as a demonstration of godly powers? Wouldn’t it have been much easier to just, oh I don’t know, maybe show up floating in the sky with a bunch of angels farting fire out of their asses? Like a fricking flamethrower!
I’d say next time press him for the money, he is just using the newt thing to stiff you. 🙂
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Will do. Also, why not stay dead for, like, 3 weeks instead of 3 days? That’d be damn convincing. Ya come back after rotting away for 3 weeks with worms comin’ outta your eyes and ya smell like a methane factory took a shit on you. That’d be damned impressive. $Amen$
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Talk to a pastor. I guess one may tell you that it is an example that all suffering isn’t in vain. Sometimes people can be saved if you suffer- just don’t ask me how.
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I must be saved ten times over then. How is it you can tell?
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It’s in the bibowl or as mother Teresa, the prophet of suffering
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The bigger question in Jesus mind on that cross must be why did he stay a virgin for so long. Was it worth the trouble
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I’d say no. No it wasn’t.
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He does realize Mary Mag will be somewhat miffed he’s seeing the bird with the legs the two-timing chap!
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He is a rat, this guy. 🙂
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It’s good to be the king 🙂
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