My Public Announcement To The Illuminati

The following message was partly funded by: The Republican Committee To Eliminate Poor People By Killing Them

Dear Illuminati, may I, The Arm Chair Pontificator, please come work for you? I absolutely assure you that I can do anything Miley Cyrus can do as well or better than she can. I would love the fame and fortune your members have too. And I love that everyone seems to know who you are while insisting that you are a totally hidden and secret group. Friggin’ amazing how that works. I promise, too, if you hire me, to make La Toya Jackson suffer terribly for outing you as the killers of her traitor brother Micheal to the media. That rat!!!

My Very visible Illuminati Tattoo

My New Ass Tattoo

Oh, before I forget, I got this cool looking Illuminati symbol tattooed on my ass yesterday to prove my loyalty to whatever it is you guys actually do. So, please, secret Illuminati people, hire me to do evil for you. You won’t be sorry you did.

22 thoughts on “My Public Announcement To The Illuminati

  1. Well, that’s the best job application I’ve seen in a long time!


  2. “I absolutely assure you that I can do anything Miley Cyrus can do as well or better than she can”.
    I want to see proof of that, assuring ain’t enough 😉


  3. Ouch…how long until you can sit with that big ass tattoo? Talk about hemorrhoids. Oh my!


  4. once you are employed, tell them you have a friend willing to join you


  5. At the moment we only hire illegal immigrants, sorry !


  6. Satire…true satire as Lord Daniel Soz 7th Earl of Whitechapel would certainly approve of!


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