The following message was partly funded by: The Republican Committee To Eliminate Poor People By Killing Them
Dear Illuminati, may I, The Arm Chair Pontificator, please come work for you? I absolutely assure you that I can do anything Miley Cyrus can do as well or better than she can. I would love the fame and fortune your members have too. And I love that everyone seems to know who you are while insisting that you are a totally hidden and secret group. Friggin’ amazing how that works. I promise, too, if you hire me, to make La Toya Jackson suffer terribly for outing you as the killers of her traitor brother Micheal to the media. That rat!!!
Oh, before I forget, I got this cool looking Illuminati symbol tattooed on my ass yesterday to prove my loyalty to whatever it is you guys actually do. So, please, secret Illuminati people, hire me to do evil for you. You won’t be sorry you did.