The Hamburglar In Happier Times
Fat Town, USA. In shocking news today, Hamburglar, the well-known and long time McDonald’s Restaurant employee, was arrested on charges he’s been embezzling money from the company for years. “We started to suspect something wasn’t right when Hamburglar began showing up for work driving his very own car,” said McDonald’s spokesperson, Bert Benmeover. “There’s no way in hell one of OUR employees could afford to do that without being up to something illegal. So, Ronald McDonald spied on him one night after the store Hamburglar was working in closed. And, sure enough, Ronald saw him taking money from the register and pocketing it. Ronald had the thieving bastard arrested, but not before beating his ass almost to within an inch of his life. Ronald’s saying since his days in the hood has always been, rob from me, get your ass kicked to within an inch of your life. Most of us here at McDonald’s know and understand this and avoid pissing off the clown at all costs. Too bad Hamburglar had to learn it the hard way. Perhaps a few years breaking rocks on a chain gang down South will further teach the son of a bitch that stealing from Ronald McDonald is not a good idea. In the meantime, McDonald’s is currently looking for a juvenile, costumed jackass to take the place of Hamburglar. If you’re interested, email your resume, along with a photo of you in your costume, to bertbenmeover@buttmail.com, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Ah yes, the buying of the car is always the first thing that gets them embezzlers! Hilarious, as usual. Long time no see, btw 🙂
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Why, hello, my friend. Good to hear from you. 🙂
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This is a good indictment on large organisations that pay their workers so bad
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That and violent, psycho, hamburger selling clowns. 🙂
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You are good at what you do. Whether reporting about aliens, or dissing religion you are good at it.
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Thanks, my friend. Hope your weekend is still going pleasantly.
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Yes yes, I have had a pleasant day. Time now to relax as I await a new work week
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$Amen$
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Fellow prophet, I think lately the spelling gods have been after me. They deletes words in my comments.
I meant to have written.. I have had… The dogs ate had. Please include it
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Fixed. Had you been CS or SoM, I’d have “fixed” much more than that in the comment. $Amen$
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That, I can only imagine.
I wonder why they haven’t as yet given you the opportunity to edit their comments.
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They will. Sometimes their comments go straight to spam. I’ve got to be more diligent about checking it before I delete it. Bothering those two fellows is one of the finer pleasures in my life. 🙂
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I don’t think you know how much I am waiting for such a moment.
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As am I. I just bloody wish I’d thought of it sooner.
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The problem is, Ronald McDonald is a suspected pedophiliac vampire. So his testimony is suspect. I have a nephew who was turned gay by him, and has moved to Ireland to marry his partner. Basically, the Big Mac will turn you gay – beware!
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And the quarter pounder will turn you into a Republican. Crazy place, McDonald’s.
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“There’s no way in hell one of OUR employees could afford to do that without being up to something illegal”
lmao
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What up, Victoria?
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Just staying away from the crazy tourists and 10,000+ bikers who have taken over my neck of the woods. What up with you?
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Not much. Just chillin’ with my dog Kassey and watching a Shakespeare documentary.
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Got anything to drink? I’m bone dry here. 😀
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I’m gettin’ pretty buzzed on some Merlot. 🙂
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LOL — lucky you.
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It’s cheap stuff, but it works.
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Hope your cheap wine isn’t on this list.
http://patch.com/maryland/odenton/icymi-full-list-wines-reportedly-high-arsenic-levels
If so, I’m sorry to have ruined your buzz. 😛
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You didn’t. I’m still buzzed. My wine is the blood of Jeebus. With that, who can go wrong? $Amen$
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I was always concerned what Ronald may have been doing with the the Hamburglar after hours. I guess my concerns were baseless.
Have any of you guys/gals ever seen a young kid totally freak over a clown? I have, it was both highly fricking hilarious and deeply disturbing at the same time…
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Clowns are fuckin’ scary. And I’m not just talkin’ about when they’re in make-up.
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Hilarious man! 🙂
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Thanks, my friend.
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So that’s what happened to Zorro’s illegitimate son! Sneaky Mexicans with their funny masks and hats!
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Next thing you know, they’ll be sneaking over into Texas volunteering to work for Republicans for 10 cents a day! RIDICULOUS! 🙂 *He does look like Zorro’s illegitimate son. Scary.
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With Maggie Gallagher!
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Indeed.
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“We started to suspect something wasn’t right when Hamburglar began showing up for work driving his very own car,”
Hahaha
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The nerve of that guy!
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Could never work out why Hamburgler was always smiling, even when he was caught. Strange man.
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Oops, not “also,” rather, “always”
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Fixed. Good thing you’re not CS or you’d have just written a 500 word essay praising how wonderful I am. 🙂
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You are the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, goodness and extra-goodness 🙂
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And you know this to be true because it says it in the holy book written about me: “The Illinois Phone Directory.” 🙂
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Very.
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I’ve never liked him.
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Sneaky lookin’ bastard. 🙂
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