McDonald’s Hamburglar Arrested For Embezzlement

The Hamburglar Shortly After His Arrest

The Hamburglar In Happier Times

Fat Town, USA.  In shocking news today, Hamburglar, the well-known and long time McDonald’s Restaurant employee, was arrested on charges he’s been embezzling money from the company for years.  “We started to suspect something wasn’t right when Hamburglar began showing up for work driving his very own car,” said McDonald’s spokesperson, Bert Benmeover. “There’s no way in hell one of OUR employees could afford to do that without being up to something illegal. So, Ronald McDonald spied on him one night after the store Hamburglar was working in closed. And, sure enough, Ronald saw him taking money from the register and pocketing it. Ronald had the thieving bastard arrested, but not before beating his ass almost to within an inch of his life. Ronald’s saying since his days in the hood has always been, rob from me, get your ass kicked to within an inch of your life. Most of us here at McDonald’s know and understand this and avoid pissing off the clown at all costs. Too bad Hamburglar had to learn it the hard way. Perhaps a few years breaking rocks on a chain gang down South will further teach the son of a bitch that stealing from Ronald McDonald is not a good idea. In the meantime, McDonald’s is currently looking for a juvenile, costumed jackass to take the place of Hamburglar. If you’re interested, email your resume, along with a photo of you in your costume, to bertbenmeover@buttmail.com, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able.”

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45 thoughts on “McDonald’s Hamburglar Arrested For Embezzlement

  1. Ah yes, the buying of the car is always the first thing that gets them embezzlers! Hilarious, as usual. Long time no see, btw 🙂

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  2. This is a good indictment on large organisations that pay their workers so bad

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  3. The problem is, Ronald McDonald is a suspected pedophiliac vampire. So his testimony is suspect. I have a nephew who was turned gay by him, and has moved to Ireland to marry his partner. Basically, the Big Mac will turn you gay – beware!

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  4. “There’s no way in hell one of OUR employees could afford to do that without being up to something illegal”

    lmao

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  5. I was always concerned what Ronald may have been doing with the the Hamburglar after hours. I guess my concerns were baseless.

    Have any of you guys/gals ever seen a young kid totally freak over a clown? I have, it was both highly fricking hilarious and deeply disturbing at the same time…

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  6. Hilarious man! 🙂

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  7. So that’s what happened to Zorro’s illegitimate son! Sneaky Mexicans with their funny masks and hats!

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  8. “We started to suspect something wasn’t right when Hamburglar began showing up for work driving his very own car,”
    Hahaha

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  9. Could never work out why Hamburgler was always smiling, even when he was caught. Strange man.

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  10. I’ve never liked him.

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