04.21.15
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Interview With UFO Expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly’in

UFO Expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly'in

UFO Expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly’in

Fibberland, Massachusetts.  UFO expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly’in of MIT’s radical genius department, stopped by the ACP offices today whilst I was scratching my butt and asked me if I’d like to interview him for the site. The interview follows below. It has not been altered in any way since its original fabrication.

TACP: Thanks for coming by, Dr. B. Ly’in. Could you please tell my readers a little bit about yourself and your area of expertise?

Dr. B. Ly’in: Did you see that?! Right there! Out your damn window! There was a huge ship with crazy flashing lights all over it floating in the sky. It made a super quick, right angle turn and vanished into space! Did you see it?

TACP: No. I didn’t see anything. What do you think it was?

Dr. B. Ly’in: What the fudge do you THINK it was, numb-nuts?! It was an alien spacecraft from beyond our galaxy piloted by little blue aliens! How bloody stoooopid are you?

TACP: Well, I’m not sure just HOW stupid I am, but I didn’t see anything out the window. How do you know it was an alien spacecraft?

Dr. B. Ly’in: Are you questioning my area of expertise, you som’bitch?! The evidence CLEARLY shows it was a craft from another galaxy piloted by little blue aliens! I’m a SCIENTIST, not a bloody religious nut! I don’t just make shit up off the top of my head when I see something I don’t understand! GOD! People like you piss me off!

TACP: What kind of “people” am I?

Dr. B. Ly’in: You’re a gardarn som’bitchin’ skeptic! That’s what you are. You think it’s easy being a gardarn som’bitchin’ brilliant man of science like I am? You think it’s easy……Say, are those jelly donuts on your desk? Can I have one?

TACP: Sure, if you stop yelling at me and just give my readers a little info on yourself. When did you become a UFO expert, for starters?

Dr. B. Ly’in: When I gave up religion and began using reason as my life’s guide. That’s when. (Gardarn, but this IS a good donut!) Shortly after giving up religion, as I was peeing in an alley, I looked up and saw a bunch of objects with yellow lights on them making crazy, impossible, right angle turns in the sky. Using my non-religious, unparalleled, new-found sense of reason, I deduced that only alien spacecraft, piloted by tiny blue-skinned aliens, could have had made such crazy-ass, right angle turns. The minute I came to that conclusion, I became an expert on UFO’s. I got my position in the MIT genius department shortly thereafter. I teach a class every semester on why UFO’s are real and why belief in them isn’t at all like a religion.

TACP: Fascinating. Do you have any pictures you can show my readers of UFO’s you’ve encountered?

Dr. B. Ly’in: You bet your som’bitchin’, fat, white ass I do. I see these damn things all the time and have taken many pictures of them. I’ve brought two to show your readers. No sane, reasonable human being could ever deny that these are photos of authentic, extraterrestrial spacecraft piloted by little blue aliens. Here they are.

1.)

Real, Unaltered, HD Photo Of A Cow Obviously Being Abducted By Aliens For Perverse Sexual Purposes

Real, Unaltered, HD Photo Of A Cow Being Abducted By Aliens For Perverse Sexual Purposes

2.)

Deer, Obviously Being Pursued By A UFO Piloted By Little Blue Aliens

Deer, Obviously Being Pursued By A UFO Piloted By Little Blue Aliens With Prurient Intentions

Pretty amazing, eh? Ain’t no som’bitch dumb enough not see these are pics of real alien spacecraft doin’ bat-shit crazy things with animals. I gotta run now. I’ve a class to teach on the merits of understanding that belief in space aliens and UFO’s is not in any way at all like belief in a religion. Bye now.

TACP: Yeah. Bye. Wow. That was one amazing dude. I guess, what we can learn from him is that some people have obviously replaced the “god of the gaps theory,” to explain inexplicable phenomena, with an “aliens of the gaps” theory to explain the same phenomena. Either that, or Dr. Lenny be lyin’ about all this UFO stuff.

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45 thoughts on “Interview With UFO Expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly’in”

  1. There’s a whole bunch of stuff I missed!
    “Say, are those jelly donuts on your desk?” hahaha I want one too! Also that first pic made me laugh so much. Why? It’s just a cow but I don’t know by the time I got to that point I was “conditioned” by the post and I found it hysterical!

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  2. I have just one question..how did you get an interview with Cletus , the weird eyed guy down the street in my trailer park. We all know he is not allowed at that bus stop when kids are going to and fro school. Just wouldn’t be right. Scares the little ones half to death. Once Cletus told them he had arisen and it caused a real stir in the park. Well old Cletus wont tell us his abductions unless we get him well comfortable with a big old bit of comfort..southern comfort that is…However on the odd day, which is most days around here, Cletus will share his important scientific work on those alien ships with us for just a few slugs of bourbon and some rum. Well to hear him the weirdos in the ships are afraid of bourbon and only drink something called vodka. That is why Cletus fortifies him self with lots of Jack and Jim each day, along with some buddy of his, named Bud who is wiser, so as to keep the aliens from going full backside probing on him. Thanks for sharing this important trailer park news, you know most uppity news folk wont tell the truth about them aliens, and none will air any of Cletus’s important butt findings. Hugs

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  3. No wonder Dr. Ly’in is not taken seriously: It’s the green aliens we got to be worrying about; the blue aliens are only looking for a good time….
    (This is from the inside; I got a bud from a saucer, but I promised not to reveal his color – keep it on the q.t.)

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  4. !SQUIRREL! I was once hiking in the area near Mt. Rainier and thought I saw Bigfoot eating a little blue man. Later I found out I don’t know mushrooms as well as I thought.

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  5. I actually have a UFO story, it would be foolish to speculate it was aliens, or any other crazy alternative, but it definately remains unidentified.

    When I was a young lad, I had a paper route. A very large paper route. I was out collecting one evening. (taking their money) A friend rode (I delivered and collected with my bicycle) with me just for kicks. We both smoked cigs and decided to stop and have a smoke. It had gone from dusk to dark by then, and we had stopped in a place where you could see in the distance a large tower. The tower always had a slow flashing red light upon it. Well we noticed the tower light, and we commented on it…then the red light moved off horizontally at a rate of speed damn near meteoric. It was gone in the blink of an eye. It went from a dead stop, to gone so fast it still boggles my mind. We looked at each other and were like “did you see what I saw?”

    Well when we moved a little further down the road, the tower we thought we were looking at came into view. There was the slowly flashing red light… whatever we saw was something else entirely, and to this day I have no idea what it could have been.

    I will not however make wild speculation on the event. As far as I’m concerned, it simply remains unidentified.

    My friend and I agreed not to talk about it to anyone. We figured we’d just get labeled as crazy, or worse. I have only spoke of this to my close family until now. Probably 40 years ago, when this occurred.

    No one got probed. 🙂

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    • I have a similar story. Some friends and I were sitting on the back porch of one our homes, talking late at night, and we saw something like you did, a floating light, this one was yellow, that shot away into the sky like a bat outta hell. I’ve no idea to this day what it was. At the time, of course, we were sure it was an alien spacecraft. Coulda been. I don’t know. I’ve no idea what it was. Obviously, people see unusual shit out there sometimes. What I find amazingly odd is, now that everyone on the planet carries an HD camera/video recorder with them on their phones, no one has video taped or taken an HD quality pic of a UFO. Pics of them today look like a 12 year old with an 8mm camera took them circa 1970, just like they’ve always looked. I think it warrants study to figure out what people are seeing. The joy of things, for me, is in the discovery of what is really happening. That’s a slow, sometimes unrewarded endeavor, but if aliens really are flying around, I really wanna know it, not speculate and form crazy ass theories through the process of wishful imagination. I truly must agree with Stephen Hawking, too. If they were here, we’d know, and it would suck.

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    • Wow, that has a great deal of similarity to my experience.

      I have no idea how anything could survive that kind of acceleration without becoming soup on the back wall. So that kinda rules out anything piloting “it” (unless aliens are soup? I wonder if they taste like chicken? Maybe that’s why they don’t bother making our acquaintance?)

      I should clarify, in my story the light we saw at first and mistook for a tower wasn’t flashing. About the time I realised that, and brought it up, is when it took off. We were both looking square at it when it did.

      Heck I was 13-14 at the time, cell phones hadn’t been invented yet, (damn I’m old) Even if we had had a camera, we thought we were looking at the tower and had no suspicious cause to take a pic/vid. But your point is a good one, why is it that with the abundance of digital capability now, we see no convincing UFO pics? It was always some grainy out of focus thing in the photos of the day… which just screams hoax. And any more modern pic suffers from the same quality issues, which again screams hoax.

      I’d like to hear a good explanation of what we both witnessed. It sure as fuck wasn’t swamp gas or weather ballons…

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    • Curious things going on out there. Star Trek explains the “turning into soup” business with something called inertia dampeners, a fictional creation that, I presume, prevents the soupifying of the spacecraft pilot when said craft makes a sudden right turn at 6000 miles an hour. I was 13 or so too when we saw our light. Didn’t have cell phones back in the 70’s, but people sure do now. Odd to me, then, that no HD pics of UFO’s, Big Foots, Mermaids, Jesus or Leonard Nimoy’s ghost have been filmed or photographed beyond the 8th grade, 1970’s level of quality they’ve always been photographed at. One can take a detailed pic of a fly on an elephant’s ass in perfect detail from 100 yards away, but no one can take a pic of aliens or UFO’s that don’t look like they were taken by a half blind squirrel. Be smellin’ like poop if ya asks me, Emil! There’s a fascinating video of UFO lights buzzing over Mexico City that was filmed some years back. When Mexican officials were asked what they were, they said they had no bloody idea. I like honesty like that. First, it’s true. If we don’t know what something is, that’s solid evidence that we don’t know what it is. Second, once we admit we don’t know what it is, we can more honestly search for answers. Filling in the gaps with scifi stories might be fun, but it detracts from the quest for true knowledge, and sometimes, that true knowledge will be we may never know precisely what it was we saw. Hard for folks to accept that.

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    • Weird that I brought this up and am talking to someone with nearly the same experience, makes me wonder how many other people have seen something similar and never spoke up? Or was told to saty quiet? Conspiracy alert!

      One of the things I love about life is learning something today that I did not know yesterday. Things like our disappearing light acts, and stuff like what makes women tick, will probably forever haunt me with the never knowing.

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    • Women are the most unknowable things out there. Gotta love ’em for it. I think fewer would be afraid to say they’d seen something odd if it weren’t inferred by so many that UFO = alien invasion. If we could get used to it being “unidentified” until further info is available, it’d make finding out what people are seeing a tad easier, methinks.

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  6. We are definitely not alone (Mulder says so) but this post is funny, so all is good!!

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  7. I laughed my ass off!
    This UFO expert is no genius. I think when they called you stoopid, they should have called you blind 😛

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    • I likes ta make ya laugh! I happen to believe, quite strongly, that “we are not alone”, but, if you’re gonna tell me we’re being visited by aliens because people see inexplicable shit flying in the sky and it simply MUST be aliens, I ain’t biting. I side with Stephen Hawking on this: “If we were being visited by aliens with a million more years of technological achievements behind them than we have, we’d all know about it, and it wouldn’t be good.” We’d be like ants to them, and who feels poorly after accidentally stepping on a few ants? If they’re out there, I think it best they stay were they are.

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    • I would like to meet those who have seen ufos. I think we would have a lot to talk about.

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    • There’s an excellent book on the topic called “UFOs: Generals, Pilots, and Government Officials Go on the Record” by Leslie Kean. There are multiple testimonials in it by very credible people who very clearly saw “something” that wasn’t readily explainable. I’ve no issue with that. I’ve a HUGE issue with folks when they take that and run with it and make statements that what they saw simply MUST be of extraterrestrial origin. It might have been, but clearly, it might NOT have been. There are folks who have “religious” experiences that are very inexplicable. They attribute these to evidence that god/Jesus exists and caused these things. Again, MAYBE he did, but MAYBE he didn’t. The four hardest words for most folks to say are “I do not know.” I believe people see and experience inexplicable things, some amazingly so. But, the only way to determine what is truly happening is to admit we don’t know and then search for evidence as to what truly is happening. Our minds jump to conclusions that are unfounded when we’re confronted by inexplicable things. This is human nature. To find the truth, we must rise above it or wallow in false belief. Unless a spacecraft is found, or an alien or parts of one, my assumption is, whatever it is people have seen, it isn’t an alien space ship. I hope not, at least. Like I said, I think aliens visiting would be well known by us and very ill received.

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    • I don’t know is not easy for most people to say.
      And i agree, to come from I seen some thing I don’t know to it is a UFO is a leap

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    • Well, the first word in UFO is unidentified. To equate that with alien spacecraft is the stretch. If you ever have a discussion with a true believer in UFO’s, you’ll find their identical to the theists you speak with. You’re the idiot because you’re not seeing the evidence in the right light. There are UFO apologists, too, though they don’t yet call themselves that. It’s the same dance. Do a post on it, and you’ll see what I mean.

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    • I think that will be fun. I should read a bit on UFOs. It has never been on my area of interest, but now that you mention it, why not

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    • It’s become more of one to me because of the similarities it bares to religious belief. People get crazy with it. A guy I worked with, who’s a devout atheist, wanted to literally get into a fist fight with me because I said there’s not a bloody shred of evidence supporting the theory that the UFO’s people report are aliens. Dude went off on how stupid I was. It’s the new religion. You can literally trace it back to it’s beginnings. As our knowledge of our solar system and the planets in it increased so too did the idea of aliens. By the time we get to the 1950’s, everyone and their mother was seeing saucers flying around. You don’t get this in antiquity. They had ghosts, gods, and monsters, but no one reported saucers flying around with blue guys in them from Mars. Fascinating stuff.

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    • I think I will find this distraction worth my while

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    • Dawkins and Carl Sagan have written on it, Sagan more so.

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    • And Hawking has made cool TV documentaries on aliens and such. He really believes, as I do, that life is out there. He just doesn’t think it’s visiting us because, well, because there’s no evidence for it.

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    • I should look for the Hawking documentaries. I like his voice.

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    • He writes them and does some of the talking, but Benedict Cumberbatch does the bulk of it in a voice over. Hawking wanted it that way. You can probably get them online for free. Stephen Hawking’s Universe might be the title of the one I saw. It was cool. Has stuff on the Big Bang, Aliens, and Time Travel. He loves that stuff but is really quick to point out what is imaginative speculation and what is really known scientifically. I like that about him.

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    • Thanks brother

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    • May the Force Be with You. $Amen$

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  8. Well, at least UFO’s are feasible… 😉

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