Fibberland, Massachusetts. UFO expert, Dr. Lenny B. Ly’in of MIT’s radical genius department, stopped by the ACP offices today whilst I was scratching my butt and asked me if I’d like to interview him for the site. The interview follows below. It has not been altered in any way since its original fabrication.
TACP: Thanks for coming by, Dr. B. Ly’in. Could you please tell my readers a little bit about yourself and your area of expertise?
Dr. B. Ly’in: Did you see that?! Right there! Out your damn window! There was a huge ship with crazy flashing lights all over it floating in the sky. It made a super quick, right angle turn and vanished into space! Did you see it?
TACP: No. I didn’t see anything. What do you think it was?
Dr. B. Ly’in: What the fudge do you THINK it was, numb-nuts?! It was an alien spacecraft from beyond our galaxy piloted by little blue aliens! How bloody stoooopid are you?
TACP: Well, I’m not sure just HOW stupid I am, but I didn’t see anything out the window. How do you know it was an alien spacecraft?
Dr. B. Ly’in: Are you questioning my area of expertise, you som’bitch?! The evidence CLEARLY shows it was a craft from another galaxy piloted by little blue aliens! I’m a SCIENTIST, not a bloody religious nut! I don’t just make shit up off the top of my head when I see something I don’t understand! GOD! People like you piss me off!
TACP: What kind of “people” am I?
Dr. B. Ly’in: You’re a gardarn som’bitchin’ skeptic! That’s what you are. You think it’s easy being a gardarn som’bitchin’ brilliant man of science like I am? You think it’s easy……Say, are those jelly donuts on your desk? Can I have one?
TACP: Sure, if you stop yelling at me and just give my readers a little info on yourself. When did you become a UFO expert, for starters?
Dr. B. Ly’in: When I gave up religion and began using reason as my life’s guide. That’s when. (Gardarn, but this IS a good donut!) Shortly after giving up religion, as I was peeing in an alley, I looked up and saw a bunch of objects with yellow lights on them making crazy, impossible, right angle turns in the sky. Using my non-religious, unparalleled, new-found sense of reason, I deduced that only alien spacecraft, piloted by tiny blue-skinned aliens, could have had made such crazy-ass, right angle turns. The minute I came to that conclusion, I became an expert on UFO’s. I got my position in the MIT genius department shortly thereafter. I teach a class every semester on why UFO’s are real and why belief in them isn’t at all like a religion.
TACP: Fascinating. Do you have any pictures you can show my readers of UFO’s you’ve encountered?
Dr. B. Ly’in: You bet your som’bitchin’, fat, white ass I do. I see these damn things all the time and have taken many pictures of them. I’ve brought two to show your readers. No sane, reasonable human being could ever deny that these are photos of authentic, extraterrestrial spacecraft piloted by little blue aliens. Here they are.
Pretty amazing, eh? Ain’t no som’bitch dumb enough not see these are pics of real alien spacecraft doin’ bat-shit crazy things with animals. I gotta run now. I’ve a class to teach on the merits of understanding that belief in space aliens and UFO’s is not in any way at all like belief in a religion. Bye now.
TACP: Yeah. Bye. Wow. That was one amazing dude. I guess, what we can learn from him is that some people have obviously replaced the “god of the gaps theory,” to explain inexplicable phenomena, with an “aliens of the gaps” theory to explain the same phenomena. Either that, or Dr. Lenny be lyin’ about all this UFO stuff.