“That is to say,” said alien representative, Mi Fli B’Opn, “those humans who even know what door knobs are. We aliens have been doing EVERYTHING for you humans since you chowder-heads first started walkin’ on 2 legs, which, BTW, WE taught you how to do.
So it never fails to make us laugh when some of you ninnies actual talk as if HUMANS built the pyramids. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!??? Human beings could no more build a pyramid than make a damn pancake without alien intervention. As a matter of fact, most of you apes couldn’t brush your damn teeth each morning if an alien didn’t beam down into your body and do it for you. The one thing I must say about humans is this: the amount of helplessness and stupidity prevalent amongst your species is, and has always been, pandemically crippling for you when left without alien help. The truest testament to this is, as I hinted at earlier, a belief many of you have that you are alone in the universe and that you ignorant dolts actually have the brain capacity to think and problem solve on your own, without our continual intervention. What a bunch of knuckle-heads you are. You’re lucky we like you. You really, really are. Without us, you’d all be like toddlers with your pants full of poop looking for Mommy to change your pull-up. Think about that the next time you question WHO it was who built the pyramids of Ancient Egypt, you knuckle-heads, you!”