By This Sign, Ted Cruz Says, He Will Conquer

By This Sign, Republicans Will Conquer

By This Sign, Ted Cruz Will Conquer

Alberta, Canada.  Canadian Citizen and Republican Presidential hopeful, Ted Cruz, today said he had a powerful vision last night that ensured him he would not only become President of America in 2016, but Emperor of the world as well.  “I was sitting in my 60 million dollar mansion, contemplating ways to efficiently kill poor people, gays, and liberals,” Mr. Cruz said, “when the GOP logo appeared and spoke to me. Here’s what it said.

Greetings, my Canadian, conservative, filthy rich friend. I’ve come to you to let you know, that because I’ve come to you, you now have the right to kill anyone who doesn’t think I actually came to you. Also, I’ve come to tell you, that because I’ve come to you, you will not only win the Presidency in 2016, you will conquer the world and become its first Emperor as well. To do this, you must use your vast riches to purchase a few hundred military drones, arm them with nuclear missiles, paint the GOP logo on them, and send them to annihilate the poorest countries of the world and all the gay neighborhoods in the U.S. Once you show the world and America what you’re all about, they’ll have no choice but to name you President and Emperor of the World. By this sign, my Canadian friend, you will conquer.

Canadian, Republican Presidential Hopeful, And Soon To Be World Emperor, Ted Cruz

Canadian, Republican Presidential Hopeful, And Soon To Be World Emperor, Ted Cruz

  After that, the GOP logo vanished, and I started buying drones and nuclear missiles to conquer the world. Like it or not, I will be President and Emperor of the World in 2016. The GOP logo told me so.”



46 thoughts on “By This Sign, Ted Cruz Says, He Will Conquer

  1. Of course, you understand that the stars on the Republican elephant Logo are upside down? You know–the symbol for Satan!

    Interesting that no conservative religious fanatic ever questions that, but were it on the Democratic Logo . . . :O


  2. My but your so perceptive…you know he would do just know he thinks with his ego, his brains ( not ) he should be ruler of all the human race and the rest of earths creatures should be his shooting gallery. Totally in Ted Cruz mind… Your awesome. Thanks for the smiles..and a few nightmares. Hugs


  3. I haven’t had the occasion to smile all that much the last few days but, you my friend, have managed to raise a laugh. Thank you for that 🙂


  4. As I was reading, I was thinking to myself, this is not satire. This is for real. John shared an article that’s taken quotes from a video I posted on FB a few weeks back after Cruz announced he was running for president. It was a sermon his dad, Rafael Cruz, gave at a mega church in Texas. Scary stuff.


  5. Well Putin does need a new chew toy. The current one just sits there making farting noises every time Putin bites down on the rubbery buttocks part. 🙂


  6. As it is written, so shall it be done.

    Aside from all of Cruz’s ridiculousness, what I despise about him most is his dishonesty. Nearly everything he says and does is calculated in the most sinister way. He is the embodiment of the cynical, conniving politician with a purposeful mission. He reminds me of Joe McCarthy from the 1950s.


  7. IF he gets elected, the end of the world would be a blessing….


    • Wow! I’m tellin’ ya, you can’t write satire as good as that, and, it’s REAL! Jesus, are these people shit-heads! “A King responsible for the end-time transfer of wealth.” OMFG! But thanks for the link, cause it had a link on it to a petition I signed to voice my disapproval of another Bush running for the Presidency. I don’t know who’s the bigger idiots, people like Cruz and Bush, or the fuckin’ idiots who vote them into offices thinking they’ll help anyone but themselves and the rich. I’m hopin’ this idiot “Barry” from Mak’s blog pops up here so he can write wonderful things about me without his knowledge. I sufficiently pissed em off, so he might. It’s fun pissin’ off idjits! I likes it! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Wild, huh? Ted is the Messiah! Well, of sorts. And the whole “transfer of wealth” thing sounds awfully socialisticy, don’t you think?


    • You mean to say he is a messiah! Now even Jesus refused to acknowledge he was, that is, if the story is to be believed

      Liked by 1 person

    • Apparently, Ted isn’t as modest as Jesus was. 🙂


    • It does appear so


  8. Saw him on TV – what a twat…WW3 if he gets near The White House.


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