Freedom From Christians Bill Proposed By Indiana Congressman

 Indiana Democratic Congressman, Billy Wadblower Wankenfluffer

Indiana Democratic Congressman, Billy Wadblower Wankenfluffer

Faghater City, Indiana.  Indiana Democratic Congressman, Billy Wadblower Wankenfluffer, announced today that he will be presenting a Freedom From Christians Bill next month in Congress. “This bill is in direct response to the Freedom of Religion Act signed into law by Indiana Governor, Mike Pence, a few weeks ago,” Congressman Wankenfluffer said earlier. “Though Christians may find this hard to believe, a growing number of decent, kind, loving, caring human beings living in America are sick and fucking tired of Christian bigotry, hatred, and deferential, ass-kissing treatment. Thus, I, and several other U.S. Congressmen and Women, have drafted this bill to help put an end to their whining bullshit once and for all. The bill is divided into five very clear ‘rules’ that Christians must abide by for the betterment of America and decent, human kindness everywhere. If passed into law, the bill will allow U.S. authorities to deport any Christian not adhering to it to a Christian work camp in Antarctica, for life.  The five ‘rules’ proposed by the bill are listed below.

Freedom From Christians Is What This Bill Is All About

Freedom From Christians Is What This Bill Is All About

1.) All Christian Churches will now pay taxes like every other business does in America. Deferential treatment of Christians in this regard ends now.

2.) Fundamentalist Christians will now be required to have a large red “X” tattooed on their right check. This will allow normal people to know who they are and, if they wish, avoid any contact with them.

3.) Christians will no longer be allowed near children without supervision by a Secular Humanist and, then, for no more than five total minutes per week.

4.) Any Christian heard making an anti-gay slur, or refusing a gay person service of any kind, will be forced, standing, into a stockade in the center of Times Square, New York in a t-shirt that reads, ‘I’m a bigoted, anti-gay Christian asshole. Please throw rotten fruit at me.’

5.) Christians will no longer be allowed to marry in America. They may choose to live in sin, but they have proven, by their sickening anti-human behavior, that they do not deserve to share the legal benefits of marriage with other decent, kind, normal Americans.

Let us pray this bill is quickly passed into law so Americans can be free from the tyranny that is Christianity.”


31 thoughts on “Freedom From Christians Bill Proposed By Indiana Congressman

  1. Why is it that religious people always think countries should be governed by their religious rules? State and religion should be seperated and if two people of the same sex want to get married out of love … nothing should stand between them. You got to let love rule. Keep on blogging in a free world – The False Prophet

  2. Bless you and your never-ending wit which manages to both be hilariously funny AND make valid points. That is a deadly combination and thank fuck for you! 😀

  3. Hello, Love it. My fav is #1 because of all the social assistance programs that could be funded. I never understood why churches get such a breaks on taxes anyway, especially when it is a for profit business run by the church.
    My only question sir, fanatical Christians deny the science and studies showing that sexual orientation is something we are born with, will they now claim that being a fanatic is a genetic thing and they are born to be jerks to others? What do you think? Hugs

  4. Wonderful! I like the second one especially. With the overt marking, one doesn’t have to speak to them to know they are lunatics. 😀

  5. Wadblower Wankenfluffer, you sir are a mine of amusing names, they never fail to make me smile!

  6. You allude to a little known fact that permeates every legislative action by government. Cause and effect is rarely considered. The only thing wrong with religions are the followers. History has proven that vigorously eliminating the root cause of religious inanity -the follower – hasn’t been successful because of rabid over-breeding and malicious conversion techniques. Mr. Wankenfluffer is on the right track. He is addressing the cause which eliminates the effect. Those Democrats are on a roll. They will save us from ourselves yet. 🙂

    • Well, we’ll see. Religious zealots, like viruses, have proven very hard to eliminate. Black and white thinking and grandiose delusions built on tribalism and blind belief in magical invisible friends are very alluring drugs to the masses searching for meaning. Don’t know if we’ll ever be free of such things. In the meantime, they do make great fodder for satire. 🙂

  7. This idea would work over here you know!

  8. I meant it when I said you never disappoint me.

  9. Can I vote for this bill or I have to be a member of congress first?

  10. IF ONLY…!

  11. I’ll take a #1, please.

  12. Exquisite satire, and deliciously funny! “Indiana Democratic Congressman Billy Wadblower Wankenfluffer” – beyond brilliant! I’m in awe!

  13. Tally-ho, make it so!

    Hey, I was pleased to see some fabulously stupid person thinks you’re actually a rabid Muslim. That is so cool. You should hunt this person down and have some real fun.

    • Made me feel SO good to hear that. It not only proves how bloody stupid this guy is, it proves I’ve gotten to him. Love that. He hopefully will be over here soon. If so, he’s gonna say some glowing things about me whilst converting to Islam himself. Love that edit button. 🙂

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