Bigotland, Indiana. Bullshit expert and head of The University of Chicago’s, That’s A Fuckin’ Lie And You Know It department, Professor Vivian V. Agina, said today that Creationists are literally more full of bullshit than real bulls.
“My department conducted a two-year research project to determine if the shit Creationists espouse could in any way be measured against the shit in the intestines of real bulls,” Professor V. Agina said. “And sure enough, we determined it could be. We had individual Creationists stand on a platform next to which a constipated, real bull also stood. The bulls were secured behind a steel gate keeping the Creationists safe from any physical harm. The bulls, however, could still hear clearly everything spoken around them. We then asked the Creationists to describe for us their literal reading of Genesis as well as several other readings from the Bible which they took to be literally true. In test after test, each time the Creationists began their diatribe on the literal accuracy of the Bible, the bulls began to violently charge at the gate keeping them from the Creationists. In addition to this, each and every bull violently released the contents of its constipated intestines just as each Creationist began to explain that Noah’s Ark was not a story, but literally true. Needless to say, the bullshit from the real bulls ran out LONG before the bullshit coming from the mouths of the Creationists.
Thus, we have determined with absolute scientific accuracy, that not only do they make excellent bull enemas, Creationists are far more full of bullshit than real bulls, even severely constipated ones.”