Quotes Famous People Never Said

Gasland, Oklahoma.Β  Fabrication specialist, Lori L. Abia stopped by TACP offices today with some awesome quotes from some famous people that they never said. We present them for your reading pleasure below.

1.) Yoda: Well done this burger is! Order it this way, I did not. Another make me, or leave I will, and pay, I will not.

Happy With My Burger, I Am Not

Like His Burger, He Did Not

2.) Einstein: So then I says to ‘er, “Listen baby, time is NOT relative when you’re going on a date. If I say I’m pickin’ you up at 7, I mean be ready at 7, not 7:45.” Bitch had my ass sittin’ in the car waitin’ on ‘er for 45 minutes; then she pulls this “time is relative shit” with me. This homeboy don’t play like that! Last time she’ll ever be seenin’ my wrinkled old white ass! And there ain’t nuttin’ relative ’bout that!

 Dating Was Serious Business To Albert Einstein

Dating Was Serious Business To Albert Einstein

3.) John Wayne: Stay away from acting as a living, kid. All that horseback ridin’ I did in my movies gave me hemorrhoids the size of golf balls.

Acting For A Living Was A Pain In The Ass For John Wayne

Acting For A Living Was A Pain In John Wayne’s Ass

4.) Lassie: Woof! Woof! Grrrr! Pant, pant, pant. Woof! Meow!

Meow?

Meow?

5.) Batman: Robin! Did you rub Ben Gay into the codpiece of my costume again? This is NOT funny! Grow up, or find another 40-year-old man who wants to run around with a 13-year-old boy dressed in tights fighting crime all night.

Putting Ben Gay In Batman's Codpiece Got Robin In Trouble

Ben Gay In Batman’s Codpiece Really Burns Him Up

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25 thoughts on “Quotes Famous People Never Said

  1. Hahahaha OMG I love this! All of it, but my fav was Yoda πŸ˜€

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  2. Lassie’s comment topped them all! πŸ˜€ She’s soooo smart.

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  3. Love the “New Rules,” presentation. But, end a sentence with a verb, you will? Make you sit in the corner with a dunce cap, I will. :O

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  4. I can imagine a lady making Einstein wait and then pulling that time is relative line with him. Hilarious

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  5. “John Wayne: Stay away from acting as a living, kid. All that horseback ridin’ I did in my movies gave me hemorrhoids the size of golf balls.”
    He actually did say this. I was there. He wanted to show me. I declined.
    Later that day, I saw him playing golf on horseback. I knew he had lied. But he rode tall in the saddle, nevertheless. So – “print the legend,” as he admonishes in Fort Apache. Children need their heroes, after all….

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  6. I can relate to Yoda and Einstein, and I didn’t know Lassie’s sexuality was so… indeterminate!

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  7. LOL .. my favorite is all

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  8. Haha! Super!! Yoda is awesome here! Poor John Wayne! πŸ˜„

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  9. Meow πŸ™‚

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  10. Thank you for making me laugh!

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