Maidupville, Wisconsin. In news today that is sure to ruffle the panties of many a Christian, Wisconsin Governor, Peter B. Slipperi declared Wisconsin a Muslim state. “I’m a Muslim,” said Governor Slipperi this morning, “and it is my right, and my duty, as a religious follower of Allah to ram my faith directly up the anuses of every man, woman, and child in Wisconsin. I’m hereby officially declaring Wisconsin a Muslim state.
Christian residents of the state must either convert to Islam or be expelled from their homes, and the state, permanently. Atheist residents will be burned, alive, at the stake for being, well, for being atheists. All Christian churches will be converted to mosques. Any church refusing to convert will be burned to the ground, its parishioners executed. Also, each brick of cheese made in the state must now be packaged with the following label:
Conservative Americans have been screaming for a theocratic government where religion and law are one for quite some time now. Well, now, in Wisconsin at least, we have one. This order goes into effect today. I’ve replaced all state police with extremely angry and devoted ISIS members to help me enforce it. So, for your own good, do as you’re told. May Allah have mercy on those foolish enough to resist.”