Vatican Admits Priests Rape Children Because It Feels Good

Cause It Feels Good, Says The Vatican

Because It Feels Good, Says The Vatican

Vatican City, Rome.  Vatican spokesman, Cardinal Bob Onboidick, said today that priests not only rape children because it feels good, but because they know they can almost always get away with it. “Look,” said Cardinal Onboidick this morning, “placing your penis into a child’s orifice, any orifice, feels WONDERFUL! But doing it to a child who trusts you as God’s representative on Earth, well, that feeling is indescribable to anyone who isn’t in a position to abuse a child in such a way. And, I gotta tell you, knowing that the hierarchy of the Catholic Church will bend over backwards to hide and protect us after we’ve been accused of raping children, just makes raping them all the more desirable.

Cardinal Bob Onboicock With An 8 Year Old Boy He Raped Many Times

Cardinal Bob Onboidick Stalks His Prey

We priests receive an amazing amount of undeserved deference from our followers just because we’ve convinced them Jesus is a real dude and we personally have a connection to him. Why not take advantage of that and rape their children when they entrust them into our care? We absolutely LOVE it! We’ve been raping children, and being excused for it, for well over a thousand years now, and we see no reason to stop. The Catholic Church is a religion: a faith-based organization that can not be touched by the normal laws of man because humans think invisible, non-existent deities are far more important than the orifices of their very own offspring. We, at the Vatican, want to thank the followers of Jesus for allowing us the continued opportunity to fuck their children. We like it, and we’ve no intention of ever stopping. Thank you once again, and please, don’t forget to give money to your local Church during mass this Sunday. Amen.”

That Big, Purple Lollipop Is For You Timmy. Just Come A Bit Closer And Put It In Your Mouth

That Big, Purple Lollipop Is For You Timmy. Just Come A Bit Closer And Put It In Your Mouth

Catholic Church Claims It Can Refuse To Pay Victims Of Sex Abuse Because Of Religious Freedom | ThinkProgress


43 thoughts on “Vatican Admits Priests Rape Children Because It Feels Good

  1. “. . . it’s not just a priest that’s pitiful, it’s the whole bloody Church.”

    Very true. In fact, it’s all bloody houses/organizations of worship. Dare I say the whole concept of religion is no more or less than a means of placating our natural insecurities by suckling the teats on the Cosmic Mother? (some, of course, are more insecure than others).

    • Absolutely. The Catholic Church, with its centuries of child rape and cover ups, however, has broken the mold in terms of just how insipidly evil and perverse such institutions can be in full view of an adoring public. The Church’s arrogance and continued refusal to accept its role, as an institution, in the destruction of countless lives throughout the centuries is disgusting. Not that other such institutions aren’t disgusting, too. They are. It’s just these are the bastards I’m, by far, the most familiarity with.

  2. Another great post, InspiredBytheDivine! You have brought our attention to an honest, though pitiful, Priest.

  3. I felt like covering my face with my hands while reading this, it’s as shockingly written as what priests have been getting away with for so long – well done.

    • I’m so sick of the bullshit the Church and its priests have been getting away with, and for so long, too, that I had to say something. This is my way of saying it. Fuck them. The Church needs to be liquidated and the money sent to its victims. The Cardinals need to be imprisoned and the public in general needs to see these sick, twisted mother fuckers for who and what they are. They’re contemptible.

  4. Zing! Another good bit my friend. The closer to the truth, the more it it hurts.

    • Thing is, this is STILL a continuing issue with the Church. These bastards are given a pass on their behavior because they’re “godly” or some stupid shit like that. The Church needs to be liquified and ALL of its assets given to its victims. The rulers of the Church then need to be imprisoned for crimes against the children of humanity. Assholes. The lot of em.

    • I know man. There are all kinds of bad people who do bad things. But when the people doing bad things are constantly harping on how great they are, and how close to their god they may be, that takes the fucking cake.

      Then they go to great lengths to cover it up? Pass the blame to the victims? Deny, deny, deny. Makes me wonder how good is this supposed god they represent?

    • And one of the biggest concerns of the Catholic Church is gay marriage? Assholes. What a fucked up bunch of sick bastards they are and anyone who defends them. Ugh.

  5. Religion is all about the love….

  6. I can’t wait for a comment from SOM and CS saying atheists are nice people. I will laugh my ass off.

  7. Cardinal what!
    Religious freedom gives people excuses to do so many things. I want it too

    • Hopefully not the freedom to do what these bastards do with kids. The bastards.

    • I mean this is crazy. How would they want to hide behind religious freedom as an excuse to not take responsibility for their failings

    • And they do it over and over again. The link I left at the bottom of this post is about the Milwaukee archdiocese. That’s one of the worse in the world both for child rape and for acting pissed off when their caught. If evil exists in this world, it’s in the hearts of these bastards. Sick. And sick that the hierarchy of the Church is not openly called out regularly to answer for its criminal, inhumane treatment of children.

  8. True satire and profound at that! Shame it’s true; shame it has to be written – keep up the good work!

  9. Cardinal Bob Onboidick – what a guy!

  10. Now that is some dark and biting satire! Respect.

    • Thanks, my friend. I hope the right people read it and get the point. 🙂

    • I second that

    • Thanks. Just realized I can edit SoM’s and CS’s comments on here before I publish and approve them. OMG! Please, let them comment. They’ll say exactly what I want them to. 🙂

    • That, sir, is GENIUS! How in the name of all that is holy have we not thought of this before???

    • Arch gave me the idea. He said CS edits his comments before he approves them. Now that I know I can do that, I say, BRING IT ON BOYS!!!! They’ll say what I want, and the link will show they said it. 😀 Oh, lord, but am I ever evil!

    • He started attaching “EDITORS NOTE” to all my comments before banning me altogether. bastard didn’t even tell me he was banning me. That’s just rude 🙂

    • Just wait til you see what I do to his “comments” if he leaves one here. He should know better, but these narcissistic shit-heals really think they matter, so please CS, comment! You won’t believe what it is I’ll make you say. 🙂 Wish I’d have thought of this sooner. SoM might have come out of the closet for the boy-raper he is LONG before now. Lordy! I’m evil, and I love it. 🙂

  11. you said a mouthful. most intelligent post ever, of all mankind….

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