Angry Republican Dwarf
Many of you may be shocked by this confession, but I must admit, I hate Republicans. Can’t stand the self-serving pricks. They’re the modern equivalent of Nazis, in my humble, unbiased opinion. So, since I lack the omnipotence to send them, one and all, straight into the flames of Hell where I feel they belong (or at least to Mars where they’ll simple die off) I’m writing this post. It’s a post in which I will express some of my Nobel Prize winning ideas on how normal, decent Americans can take action against these spawns of evil in order to better our nation, a nation which is supposed to be for everyone, not just wealthy, white Christians. Here are some of my solutions to the Republican problem.
Sieg Heil! The Republican Party!
1.) Republicans need to have their own, inconveniently located, public restrooms. I do not want to pee, much less shit, in any restroom one of these bastards pees or shits in. Armed guards need to stand in front of regular public bathrooms and ask one or two quick questions to everyone wishing to use it. Here are two examples: “What’s your feeling on gay marriage, and how do you feel about disabled Americans who collect SSDI?” If the person flinches or makes a silly face, they get sent to a Republican bathroom located at least four blocks away from the one they’re attempting to use. Let these fuckers piss and/or shit their pants often enough, and maybe they’ll realize it’s time they move their feelings about others into the 21st century.
Toilet For Republicans
2.) Ever wonder how many Jesus lovin’, fag hatin’ Republicans look at gay porn? Pass a law to monitor their internet usage and make their browsing history public, just to fuck with ’em. I’d love it!
Republican Shocked To Find Her Browsing History Has Been Made Public
3.) Make them ride on “special” Republican buses so normal, decent Americans can ride free of their stench when using public transportation.
“Special” Republican Bus
4.) Tax the shit outta their wealthy-ass churches and use the money to fund programs for the poor and needy. Isn’t that what Jesus would do?
If They Can Afford To Build This, They Can Afford To Pay Taxes On It
5.) Make them live in designated Republican reservations in houses made just for them.
Republican Reservation Just Outside Detroit, Michigan
6.) Deny Republican couples the right to be married because marriage is a contract between two human beings who truly understand that love is something everyone feels and wishes to publicly express, not just white, heterosexual, rich, Christian shit-heals.
Republican Couple Frustrated They Can’t Legally Be Wed
That’s all for now. But I promise to be back with more unbiased ideas on what to do about the Republican problem as soon as I think ’em up. Imperious Rex!
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
YOU hate Republicans? I am indeed shocked by this confession!
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I know. Hard to believe, me being the unbiased fellow I am toward conservative shit-heals and all. 🙂
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Perhaps we could put all these suggestions in a single bill called, “All Republicans Left Behind” and subtitle it, “The Path to a Better America.” 😀
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Great idea. Consider it part of the to do list. 🙂
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Brilliant ideas, actually Nobel Prize winning ideas.
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Thanks. I appreciate it. 🙂
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Absolutely brilliant! That filthy bathroom gives me ideas. How about implementing some reverse Jim Crow laws? We could mandate signs like:
“Restrooms for Nice People Only – Belligerent Assholes Not Allowed!”
“Front of the Bus Reserved for Liberals/Progressives – Conservatives in Back”
“We Reserve the Right to Refuse Service to Republicans”
“VOTING BOOTH – Humanity Test Required”
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Great ideas. Consider them implemented.
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I like! And i do feel sorry for you. As the Australian Deputy PM and Federal Treasurer once said:
“Let’s be blunt, the biggest threat to the world’s biggest economy are the cranks and crazies that have taken over parts of the Republican Party”
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They run the damn party. Nut jobs. The two party system isn’t very good. It’s rich v poor over here, and the poor are gettin’ FUCKED!! Makes me feel good to write this kinda fun stuff, though. 🙂
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I’ll have a word to Velles, see if he can’t swing a trick or two your way. Actually, if I’m not mistaken, I believe he made some Teabillie senators sign some ridiculous letter to Iran, or something, a few days ago. Laugh, I hear he nearly shat himself!
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47 of them, and that’s not considered treason, why? Have Velles bring me a pizza while he’s at it. I’m hungry. Oh, and have him stop by Colorstorm’s place and give him a BIG sloppy tongue kiss from me. Can’t bare the idea of doing it meself. 🙂
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Some rather good ideas. If we assume they are indoctrinated in youth shouldn’t we restrict their child raising abilities and to monitor completely every one that has children, including having medical inspections for the children. Also they should be forced to live on what they think others should at least three or four months a year. Plus they should be forced to go with out any item or luxury they claim others should not have. I welcome your ideas you posted, I think this idea has lots of merits. Hugs
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Consider your ideas added to the list. If we work together, hopefully we can eradicate the menace to humanity that is the Republican Party.
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😀
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