Fox News reporter, Phil O’Shite, reported this morning that internet super-stud, and former Pro Jello-Wrestler, PZ Myers has joined The Flat Earth, Creationist Movement To Revive The Dinosaurs being spear-headed by Creationist and Abe Lincoln look-a-like, Ken Ham.
Abe Lincoln Look-a-like, Ken Ham
“If this story is confirmed, it will make the first Moon Landing, in comparison, seem like one of those Jewish holidays Christians can never remember the name of,” said O’Shite. “The odds of something like this happening are so astronomically large, no one thought it worth the time to actually calculate them. And yet, here we are on the brink of having dinosaurs once again walk the planet. For if these two giants of the human intellect can’t find a way to send a breathing T-Rex into every Christian school in the country for a little show and tell, no one can. While we’re awaiting an official announcement from President Obama on this, let me provide a bit of background information on these two Hercules-like studs for the reader.
Dinosaur Revivalist, PZ Myers
PZ Myers has had a few publicly embarrassing occurrences come his way in recent years, his abrupt, dramatic departure from a Skeptic movement no one knew existed, and his unsubstantiated claims to have had sexual encounters with female Yeti’s being but two of them. Ken Ham, as well, has had his struggles since coming to the States from Australia. His pet kangaroo, and body-guard, Lamont, has been pulled over for multiple DUI’s since arriving, causing Ken a great deal of frustration and shame, and just recently some idiot on the internet said he was going to eat him for Christmas dinner just to get a sick, cheap laugh from the few diseased minds out there who think cannibal humor is funny. So this joint venture to perform what is tantamount to a miracle is just what these two boys needed right about now. Still no word from the White House, so let me explain how dinosaur revival is expected to work.
First, Ken and PZ will crawl up to the edge of our very flat Earth; then, PZ will hold Ken upside down by his ankles so he can reach underneath the Earth to find, and remove, some dinosaur bones. These bones will then be place in a very special container, shaped like miniature Noah’s Arks, and filled with water. The miniature Arks will be placed in an empty parking lot near PZ’s house, and Ken will pray over them for God to allow the water within them to rehydrate the dinosaur bones back into living dinosaurs within 2 weeks, give or take a day. Sounds like a flawless plan to this Fox reporter, who just got word that not only has President Obama confirmed this story, he also has confirmed that Evolutionist, Richard Dawkins, has joined the Flat Earth/Creationist Movement to Revive The Dinosaurs.
Earth Is Flat As A Pancake, Says Dinosaur Reviver, Richard Dawkins
Apparently, PZ and Ken convinced Mr. Dawkins, with ease, that the Earth was only 6000 years old and flat. But Mr. Dawkins was unwilling to fully commit himself to the dinosaur revival mission until the three men could come to an agreement on just HOW flat the Earth, indeed, was. Ken Ham sealed the deal with Dawkins when he suggested the Earth was as flat as a ‘pancake,’ and Dawkins replied, ‘Who could argue with that?’ So stay tuned, folks, for news about when the dinosaurs first become revived. There can be no doubt it will happen, and soon, now that Dawkins’ genius has been added to that of Ham’s and Myers’.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Your high (very high) level of imagination and creativeness never cease to amaze me!
P.S. Maybe PZ will lose his grip! Bwaaahhhhaaaa!
LikeLike
If only! Thanks for the kudos! PZ got really angry with a post I did last year in which I said I wanted to eat Ken Ham for my Christmas dinner. Even though he hates Ken ham, he trolled the internet, found my post, reposted it on his site to complain about how nasty I am, and, in doing so, brought me about 2000 views that day which I otherwise wouldn’t have gotten. Then I wrote a post saying I was going to eat him. He didn’t like that either. 🙂 I’m SO bad!
LikeLike
Yes you are! But in a good way. 🙂
LikeLike
😀
LikeLike
please forgive me.i knew not where thou were’t. you weren’t in thy reader.you have to tell me.
LikeLike
This was an older post that I moved up so it probably didn’t show up in the reader. I be here, though. Hello.
LikeLiked by 1 person
oh…well that’s something… heloooooooo
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
Do dinosaurs make good pancakes? Or should I just order the T-Rex pudding. I loved the triceratops pies but my local fakery..ops ..bakery kept leaving the horns in , causing me to get three times as horny after some pies. Ron demanded they get the number of Hornies consistent and right, however they claimed that some silly God made the triceratops clans with different types and numbers of horns, so Ron makes me get my Horny pie from the internet these days were he can control the right amount of horny bones in my meals. Got to watch my sugar these days you know. Anyway thanks for the info, I have to go scrape my garbage dump over the edge of the flat earth before it breeds climate deniers. Hugs
LikeLike
$Amen$
LikeLiked by 1 person
Phil O’Shite sounds much like full of shit. Maybe it is the noise in my head.
What has PZ been up to? It’s a long time since you wrote about him.
LikeLike
I wrote this awhile ago but no one saw it so I bumped it up. Doubt a whole lot of people know who PZ is these days. He’s a Dawkins wanna be who’s faded quickly into the murky waters of total oblivion. Only a few groupies follow him waiting for their orders to drink the poisoned Kool Aid.
LikeLike
Ah, that makes sense now
LikeLike
Wouldn’t want you to think I was Phil O’Shite now, eh? 🙂
LikeLike
You don’t look like him. That must be one of the many world wide reporters you have. You are bigger than the BBC
LikeLike
It’s a massive global network. I’ve tens of thousands of made up people with sexually inappropriate names working for me. I could never be confused as someone who’s Phil O’Shite. 🙂
LikeLike
I would need half the time I use to write a post to just think up of made up people
LikeLike
My whole mind lives in a made up world. It’s easy for me. 🙂 Though I think I’m very sane in comparison to theists.
LikeLike
I never have had doubts about your sanity
LikeLiked by 1 person
That makes one of us. 🙂
LikeLike
Haha
LikeLike
So; nothing IS sacred! One of your best, inspired!
LikeLike
Thanks.
LikeLike