Higgs Boson Is A Cannibal, Says CERN Spokesman

I told You So, Says Peter Higgs

I told You So, Says Peter Higgs

Great news today for all the morally depraved a-theists and non-Christians out there who enjoy eating human flesh, especially on Christian holidays.  A spokesman for CERN, Dr. Pert Ecal Axcelurater, announced that the Higgs boson is, as was believed, a cannibal. “The reason the little bastards come and then go so quickly is they are ferocious cannibals, continually on the hunt for each other. The minute one pops up, it’s eaten by another which is then eaten by another, etc, etc, etc. None get to stick around and take a breath, even. The good thing about this for a-theists and those who do not believe in Jesus, is it confirms there are no morals at any level of existence. I personally got a stiffy when I found this out because I’m an a-theist and I’ve no idea what the word “morality” even means. I tell you, I’ve done some shit that’s made even the staunchest Jesus deniers cringe. My lawyer advised my NOT to say anymore than that, but believe me, I’m very happy about this news. CERN is on the job folks. We predict that by the year 2030, the world will be a disorganized, murderous hive of scum and villainy. Rape, cannibalism, murder, and torture will be everyday norms, and all because a sense of right and wrong vanishes as faith in Jesus does. Awesome. Don’t know ’bout you all, but I’m having fried Evangelical Christian baby steak for dinner tonight. And, just for the fun of it, I’m going to toss a few kittens and puppies into the particle accelerator and run it full blast. I’m curious to see what happens.”

18 thoughts on “Higgs Boson Is A Cannibal, Says CERN Spokesman

  1. You had indicated in a post that someone would have to pay you to keep it up. I said I would. I am not sure it was an offer in the ‘solicitation’ sense as much as it way my fulfilling your plea. And remember, the deal was you had to post my comment to your re-post, plus an extra five bucks if you included my Gmail picture. Would have done it too. Never lie.

    Anyway, I went back and read all my posts and I never said a nasty thing re: PZ. Ever. On the contrary, I think I was actually rather nice. I just told it the way I see it, particularly how successful blogs survive and thrive. Strictly subjective mind you. But objectively delivered. But screw ’em if they can’t handle it.

    So party on O great Ponty-mouth. I wish you and yours, (at least the ones you haven’t eaten already), a wonderful New Year.


  2. One last Newton Day little stocking stuffer fer ya Ponty.

    Looks like I have been banned from Pharyngula. It doesn’t tell me anything, I just can’t post anything, anywhere.

    Too bad because I actually like PZ and generally support his efforts. He is ultimately in the core analysis, one of us.

    Your last post was over the top. Even for me. And that says a lot.

    Seek that 45-50 RHR. True Zen.


    • Thx for the feedback. I’ll set it to private and just enjoy it when I’m down. I did tell you, I’m not nice. Trolls gotta be careful. Never know what they’ll dig up. Though that post wasn’t written with my pulse getting above 68.


    • Actually, the one I took down yday was worse.


    • Funny though. Yday you were literally offering $ for me to continue long, ranting posts on this PZ guy. The banning seems to have changed things a bit. Not that that’s wrong, it isn’t. But where else would something like this go but further down? There certainly wasn’t an up. And without question what I posted yday was worse, with dog sex references and such. Too much for me and my sick mind created it. Naw. Whole thing was in bad taste. On retrospect, we live and we grow, all with a resting heart rate below 70.


  3. Dear Ponty,

    I am your #57th subscriber. And damn proud of it.

    Finally. Now you might understand my apparently way-too-vague references in my prior “too long” pontificatory posts made by me on your pontificating blog of various pontifications.

    Yours Pontifiyingly,


    • Oh. Well. That makes sense, then. And, again, I wasn’t paying attention to what’s going on on my own blog. Thank god I wasn’t the idiot looking for icebergs on the Titanic, that fucking ship would NEVER have gotten to New York”.”Too Long” in reference to me has always involved my cock size. “It’s been too long big guy since we’ve fucked.” “That monster will never fit my tender lady part, stud! It’s too long.” Or “How long is TACP’s man-piece? Too long.” The post coming up you may like #57. It’s about insults. Nice ones. Love, #1


    • Hey! I just got the Ponty name thing too! God damn, I’m dumb! Now if only dumber where here too, I’d make a movie!


    • So, are you then RobertlovesPi? If you are, That’s great. It means you’re probably better at working particle accelerators than I am and can maybe fix the one I own. You see,it’s acting weird. I think maybe I shouldn’t have placed all those cats into it. There are really fucking strange sounds coming out of it. And a hand came out of it with a note explaining I’ve somehow managed to destroy the Higgs field. Soon, we’ll all convert back to pure energy. Sorry, man.


  4. My Newton Day gift to you. I thought, ‘what do you give to a person who has everything’? Something they may have missed.


    You may consider him very tasty looking, and worthy of listing on your blog roll.


    • YES! I’ve heard of that guy. He’s next on my menu! Did you see the big pic of the pot of PZ Meyers stew I put up today? It’s my dinner. Also, I’ve come up with a subtler way to keep sticking a pin into PZ’s ego. I’m going to include little references to him in other post and put next to the reference in brackets(gratuitious PZ Myers dig) and that’s it. I’m also including him and freethoughtblogs.com as tags in EVERY post I put up. This way, I can keep my readers happy with a variety of irreverent pontificating,AND pick on this dude. He’ll have to troll through posts to find my pokes at him, and you know what, I bet you he will. Oh, what is it you do? Teach in University or, like me, pontificate from the potty? Just curious. check out my Higgs boson is a cannibal post. Subscribe if you haven’t because I want a dig at PZ in EVERY post I can fit one in. Now THIS is fun again!


    • Never mind the last part of my last reply. I’m an idiot and wasn’t paying attention to the post you were commenting on. I thought a woman from Boston I was communicating with on here last week was a man living in France. Yep. Idiot. But I embrace my idiocy with open arms.


    • http://www.aronra.com/ This guy’s really cool. His videos are terrific, sensible, and most likely ignored by the Faithful of Jesus. I’m adding him to my blog role list.


  5. Merry Christmas to you too and keep some stewed babes for New Year


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