Toddler Hoods On The Lookout For Trouble In The Windy City
Chicago, Illinois. In news that is as shocking as it is untrue, packs of hooligan toddlers have been terrorizing the streets of Chicago by bullying, robbing, and verbally insulting all who get in their path. “It’s brutality the likes of which I’ve not seen in my 25 years on the force,” said Chicago Detective, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. “These toddlers have respect for no one. Just today, two of them knocked over an 87-year-old woman and stole her purse. Then they called her a ninny because she had no candy in it. Oh, the humanity! They think that because they are all under six years of age that the law simply does not apply to them. Well, let me tell you, it does.
Violent Chicago Toddlers Making Threatening Gestures
They will all be caught soon. I guarantee it. And each and everyone one of these hoodlums will be placed into an appropriate preschool where they will not only be taught to respect their elders, they’ll be properly potty trained. They’ve developed the idea that public sidewalks are their own private toilets. That’s not only unsightly, it’s unsanitary. It ends soon, you punks. So, if you are reading this, know your days of terror are at an end. I’m coming for you with a one way ticket to preschool and several boxes of diapers. You can run, but not for long. Your legs are too short.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
I say it is religious fanaticism that drives these terrible, terror tots!
LikeLike
Most likely. Never knew a toddler who wasn’t fanatically involved in one sort of religion or another.
LikeLike
Oh the horror, what to do?
Toddler stew for me and you!
LikeLike
😀
LikeLike
Ouch the little cat grippers. They drool all over the pets. They lick all the good candies. Hateful. Time they were stopped. Hugs
LikeLike
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nuke the rug rats! Or, as John McCain says: “Bomb, bomb, bomb, the clan!”
LikeLike
Smart guy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Those damned little GOP minions.
LikeLike
Evil incarnate.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They are terrors!
LikeLike
Aren’t they though?
LikeLike
I read this, laughed…. and promptly fell asleep. Have they all been caught yet? 😀
LikeLike
2 or 3 to go yet. The youngest ones are the hardest to catch. They’re so small, it’s really easy for them to hide in boxes and stuff. Devious little buggers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Where’s the pied piper when you need him?
LikeLike
He’s in rehab trying to kick a methamphetamine addiction, last I heard.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Can’t say I’m surprised – I always thought he was creepy and had a whole bunch of issues.
LikeLike
Indeed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a fine way to end my day
LikeLike
Just be wary of toddlers looking angry. Violent lot they are.
LikeLike
I know now
LikeLike
Glad I could help. 🙂
LikeLike
This was very kind of you
LikeLike
Damn, you might have a 2nd Coming on your hands up there. This sounds awfully like the boy Jesus found in the First Gospel of Infancy (Chpt 18) who forms his own personal sycophant army out of the kids of Nazareth who proceed to terrorise the town, forcing all passers-by to pay their respects to Jesus like Kurtz enthroned in the middle of the deepest, darkest jungle.
LikeLike
Right. I forgot about that. A toddler Kurtz is an awesome idea. He could be surrounded by teddy bear heads on pikes and be sucking on a lollipop while saying, “You can kill me, but don’t diaper me.” 🙂
LikeLike
Did you ever see my piece on this nasty Jesus? You might find it… entertaining
https://thesuperstitiousnakedape.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/excuse-me-but-which-jesus-are-you-talking-about-6/
LikeLike
I’ll check it out. Ripe material, that is, and I don’t mean as in a ripe diaper.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t think of anything clever to say. Just know that I’m sitting here giggling.
LikeLike
Your giggling now, but just pray you don’t get confronted by a band of raging toddlers! Scary that is. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh, I am all too well acquainted with raging toddlers. They are a fearsome lot!
LikeLike
Right! You’re a mom. Bless you my dear. Gotta be a herd job. A worthy job, but hard. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is hard and worthy. There’s more herding involved than I’d like to admit. 😉
LikeLike
I’ll bet. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person