“As far as I’m concerned,” Christian apologist Richard Limp said today, “the outright stupidity of the theory of evolution has nothing on the COMPLETELY fucked up gravitational theory touted by physicists. Who, but a totally naive idiot, would believe we’re held on the Earth by some made up, invisible gravitational ‘field’? Ridiculous! As any true Christian can tell you, we are held on the Earth by a clump of Velcro-like material which God has lovingly inserted into each of our feet. You may find this hard to believe, but in spite of this in-arguable fact, I almost discarded it in favor of ‘gravity’ once myself. After viewing a Stephen Hawking science documentary one evening on PBS, I decided the theory of gravity made sense and the theory of Velcro didn’t.
Just as I was about to fully commit to the theory of gravity however, my favorite Teddy Bear, Flea Bite, drifted up off the floor toward a twirling ceiling fan. Terrified he would be torn to shreds, I frantically begged God to forgive my temporary lack of sanity. He did, and he promptly returned Flea Bite to me safe and sound. I present this as conclusive evidence that the theory of gravity, like the theory of evolution, is nonsense. The only real science is the Bible and the only true scientist is God. Gravity! Some people will simply believe anything.”