Congress will be debating today what Christians have coined the “Baby-Eater Bill.” It’s a bill which will give a-theists some of the same rights as Christians, if passed, and it’s made some of those Christians very angry. One such Christian is Tom Crabkrotch, an Alabama 7/11 manager and loving follower of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Tom Crabkrotch: Angry Christian
“Mother fucking a-theists are the spawn of Satan and should be flayed slowly alive on National TV, not given the same rights as God’s chosen people,” Mr. Crabkrotch said yesterday. “Those fucking sick, twisted pricks want to sit on the front of the bus like normal people, and drink, now get this, out of the SAME drinking fountains as we Christians do. What the fuck kinda shit is that?! I don’t know about you all, but I’d rather pour lye on my cock than drink out of a fountain one of those baby eatin’ mother fuckers drank from. A piece of baby flesh might fall out of their fangs when they’re drinkin’. That’s sick, man! I DO NOT want to have chewed baby flesh staring up at me when I lean down to take a drink of water. That’s nasty! Now look, I don’t mean to sound judgmental, or have anyone think my heart isn’t full of love for these godless pieces of shit, but they’ve chosen to be non-believers. No one held a gun to their head and said, ‘Don’t believe, or else.’ It’s their own fault they’re hated by Jesus. Jesus doesn’t say anywhere in the Bible that, ‘Thou shalt love stupid fucks who think I don’t exist!’, does he? And since he doesn’t, it’s perfectly logical to assume he wants non-believers to be hated and stuck on pikes from church walls, not sitting next to normal people on the bus.
Message To Christians
Lastly, if we allow these deluded fuck heads these rights, who’s to say that they won’t want the right to be legally married next? It’s a slippery slope we’re on once non-believing, sub-human, cannibal a-theists start being granted the same rights as Christians. It may even lead to these demons eventually wanting the right to VOTE! Could you imagine that?! Mother fucking a-theists voting. Fuck! What a horrible thought. Well, that’s my two cents on the matter. I hope you all have a beautiful day now, surrounded in the warmth and love of Jesus, who loves everyone. Well, everyone but a-theists, gays, Jews, and Democrats that is.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
“I’d rather pour lye on my cock……..” hahahaha
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Imaginative, ain’t I?
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Very! I LOVE that you are! 😉
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You’re awesome.
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So are you, hence I’m an awesome bitch and you’re an awesome bastard haha
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And that’s what makes us fuckin’ terrific. 🙂
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Love it, oh I love it. You are a genius. I would like to add a few thing if I may. I am very disappointed. I try to cash buses with my walker, but the dang drivers keep stopping for some reason, open the doors and just sit there.. where is the fun of chasing them if the stop. Now cars on the other hand not only wont stop they swerve to hit me. Keeps my jumping into the road side bushes up to snuff. Now the other thing I wanted to ask…we are on a sugar watching diet here so are babies high in sugar…what do we coat them with while cooking. We are new at this and don’t like them raw. What are the best side dishes. I have heard baby back ribs are super…do babies have enough ribs for a whole family or will we have to get several babies? Oh and for entertainment, do fundamentalist fantastic rent them selves out for dinner shows? Oh got to go, Ron forgot to take the diaper of the baby and he is about to start the grill. Great job and thanks. Hugs
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Great comment, my friend, and thanks. I eat christian baby tare-tare. It’s best to just mash them to a pulp, spread the goo onto some pita bread, and eat away. 🙂 P.S. If there’s a hell, I’ll be burning in it. But, hey, at least I had some laughs while here. 🙂
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I don’t think they will allow me to sit at the front of the bus!
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Me either. They won’t even let me on.
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Hilarious! Great post!
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Thank you kindly.
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You have a way, and I like it 🙂
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Thanks. To me, it’s just blatantly stating the obvious. My mind is asunder with the amount of blind idiocy out there. Christian Apologists fit this definition best for me, but Islamic ones are just as dumb. The reason I can’t take debates with those folks seriously is because they can’t admit they just might be wrong. Sean Carroll can admit this. Stephen Hawking can too. Hell, not only that, they can actually utter the most vile words in existence for an Apologist: I DO NOT KNOW. I do not know how or why the universe began. Let’s use the scientific method of observation, hypothesis, and testing then discarding of the hypothesis if necessary and going back to square one until we find out what is really happening. I’ve no respect for Apologists or anyone else, theist or atheist, who can’t say, I might be wrong.
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A true satirical piece plainly making the case that religious fervour, both now and – if you think about throughout time – is the very worst thing there is on so many levels. I liked this post a lot!
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Thanks. Dogmatic fervor is more of an accurate term for what I find most distasteful about many things. Religion, in particular, Christianity and Islam, but a-theistic regimes like the one Stalin ran, and Mao Tse Tung, were just as bad as any theistic ones. Many theists try to claim Hitler was an atheist, too, and that’s why he and Stalin were so evil. I’ve a multitude of quotes by Hitler I’ve collected over the years illustrating that though he wasn’t “religious” he was by no means an atheist. He celebrated Christmas, allowed the Christian Churches to operate and really didn’t seem to care all that much about it. Stalin actively attacked religion and wanted it gone. He was god in the Soviet Union. Mao was a bastard. He killed Catholics and Buddhists like they were a plague. And others he kicked out of China. He destroyed beautiful religious art work and tortured people who didn’t do as he wanted. Dogmas can be evil even if a god isn’t hooked up to them. It is just as evil for Mao to have killed a Catholic for practicing his religion as it is for Christians to spew hatred against a-theists for not believing in their god. Until we can make such things not matter to anyone but ourselves and those of like beliefs, the world will continue to swallow itself in hate. All creeds and dogmas should be required to begin with these words: “Well, we may be wrong, so we can’t kill you if you believe otherwise, but after a lot of thought, here’s our view of the universe what we find works best for us. You’re welcome to check it out, but remember, it’s only a guess.” Every decent scientist I’ve ever heard speak, freely admits, he or she does not have all the answers. Particularly when it comes to the origin of the universe. Never, ever, once have I heard an Apologist admit that he just might be wrong and claiming, as a human being, to have absolute knowledge as to how a 13.7 billion year old universe came to be and why is claiming you yourself are a god. No human knows all the answers. Science is our best, and proven, path to gaining them, but it takes time, and it takes people who can admit there is very little we know about anything to become scientists.
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Didn’t Hitler have a thing about the Holy Grail? By the way quite agree with all that you have said – keep up the defense of the libertarians.
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Indeed. I guess I am doing that. I am one then, eh? I didn’t have a deliberate goal of that, but I’ve found out much about my beliefs by writing this blog. That’s really why I do it. I’m examining myself. If I get to righteous, I’ll write a self-deprecating post to reorient my thinking. The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know. Yes, Hitler was interested in the Grail. The ark, too, I believe. He believed these things had power and he wanted it. Thank goodness he didn’t find them and he was right, eh?
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