A group of monotheist zealots this morning, calling themselves Monotheists For The Eradication Of Polytheists, said they had a plan to rid the world of people who believed in more than one god. “What kind of backward toothless douche bag believes in more than one god,” said spokesman for the group, Sir William Tiniecock. “We here at the M.F.T.E.O.P. have come together to liberate the planet from the virus ridden bile that is polytheism. Only by ending this scourge of evil that sits amongst us can we know how much we are loved by whichever one true god we choose to believe in. It matters not whether we worship Jesus, Allah, or Yahweh, as long as we don’t worship all three of them, we will be saved from an eternity in Hell when we die.”
Sir Tiniecock also said, “Polytheists must be wiped out because they are all gay, and they fornicate, forcibly, with animals. How many times, now, have you come home from work only to find your family dog, cat, or goldfish in tears because your polytheistic neighbor has broken in and raped it while you were away? How many? Ten, Twenty?
Protect Your Pets: Help Eradicate Polytheists
The idea of a beloved pet being raped, even once, should be enough for you to want polytheists to be sent to an island in the South Pacific and fed, slowly, to man-eating wild boars until they are completely eradicated. And that is our exact plan for polytheists. Catch ’em. Bag ’em; then ship ’em to the South Pacific to be fed, slowly, to man-eating wild boars. We need your prayers, and your donations, to help us capture, and kill, every polytheist on the planet. We know it won’t be easy, and, in most countries, not legal, either, but, it is time these polytheist fuckers are eradicated like the bed bugs they are before they eradicate all of us, and our pets too. Amen.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
The pet rape made me laugh. Very good.
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Thanks and thanks for following my blog. Much appreciated.
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lolwtfidonteven..
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😀
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The idea of a beloved pet being raped, even once, should be enough for you to want polytheists to be sent to an island in the South Pacific and fed, slowly, to man-eating wild boars until they are completely eradicated.”
I actually have tears in my eyes. Do I even have to add they’re laughter tears? You know that already!
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AWESOME!!! Thanks for saying that. I about pissed myself writing this because it’s SOOO dumb, yet SOOOO typically religious. I was getting worried that I fired a blank cause the responses have been slow in coming. God bless you Europeans! Satire whizzes right by too many of my countrymen, not all, but far too many. I’m gonna be writing for a British blog called League of Mental Men with some really funny and talented British guys writing for it too. I’ll follow your blog from it next week when I post on it so you can check it out. Funny stuff there.
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Oh, that’s brilliant news! I follow League of Mental Men, you’re gonna be perfect for that blog! Congratz 🙂
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Awesome. If you see Clivey Dee or Mike Steeden, tell them to bugger off and then run like hell. Both of those bastards will take you for every penny you have and laugh at you as you beg for it back. Also, both of ’em are missing their front teeth, never bathe, and rarely, if ever, open their flies when they urinate. Be careful ’round ’em, OK?
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The Catholics are all confused over this; they can’t decide on what side their “three-in-one” doctrine puts them on the debate.
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Yep. So, it’s off to the wild boar pen for them. 🙂
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You didn’t tell the supporters where to send their donations!
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Right. I’ll have to add that. Foolish me. 🙂
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Do the monotheists still hate the polytheists who worship only one of the gods in the pantheon? Does it have to be Jesus? 😦
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Nope. Doesn’t have to be Jesus. Any god will do, but it can only be one. Because, as anyone can tell you, monotheism is smart, advanced, and now, whilst polytheism is dumb, old, and not “now.” See? Simple, easy to follow explanation. And people wonder why I don’t have my own church. Go figure, eh?
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I bet you could if you tried! 😄
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You’re probably right.
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Thank you for following my blog.
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And you mine. 🙂
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Ah…just how many wild bores…I mean boars do I get fed to for believing in Thor and his Daddy. Well actually more in Thor…in a speedo? Is it worse if he is in less than a speedo…and what about worshiping his hammer…Hugs
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Good question. Don’t ask that to a monotheist zealot! Dangerous. 🙂
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