01.24.15
by

What If Bible Characters Were Animals?

Because my sanity is not at all stable, I often get ridiculously nonsensical ideas that I turn into blog posts. This is one them. If famous characters from the Bible were animals, here’s what they’d look like. Hallelujah!

1.) Here’s God just after he, unexpectedly, created the first humans.

I Didn't Think I could Actually Make Humans. What The Hell Am I Suppose To Do With 'Em Now?

I Didn’t Think It Would Really Work. What The Hell Am I Suppose To Do Now?

2.) And here’s his number one bad-ass of a son, Jesus.

I'm Not Only The Only God There Is, I'm The Strongest!

I Told Ya I Could Lift It, Pa. Didn’t I? Well, Didn’t I?

3.) And now, to help us round out the three gods who are, somehow, actually only one, here’s The Holy Spirit.

Say, Jesus, I'm Gonna Use Your Pool. Hope You Don't Mind.

Say, Jesus, I Dropped By To Use Your Pool. Hope You Don’t Mind.

4.) John the Baptist’s freshly decapitated head is next.

What The Fuck Are You Lookin' At?

What The Fuck Are You Lookin’ At?

5.) A group shot of the 12 Apostles arriving at Jesus’ place for the last supper.

OK, Jesus, We're Here. What's For Supper?

OK, Jesus, We’re Here. Where’s The Eats?

6.) Eve, the first woman, in a rather compromising position.

Hey, Adam! This Apple Just Fell On Me. Could You Help Me Get It Off? Just Don't Bite Into It For Christ's Sake!

Hey, Adam! This Apple Just Fell On Me. Could You Help Me Get It Off? Just Don’t Bite Into It For Christ’s Sake, OK?

7.) And, here’s Adam and Eve suffering the consequences of Adam not following Eve’s instructions from the above picture.

Wadda Mean Yer Kickin' Us Out? Where The Hell Are We Gonna Go?

Wadda Mean Yer Kickin’ Us Out? Where The Hell Are We Gonna Go?

8.) Lastly, we have this lovely picture of Allah, the great god of the Koran, as he moves into his new home.

There Is Room For Only One God In This Hen House, And It Isn't You Yahweh!

There Is Room For Only One God In This Hen House, And It Ain’t You, Yahweh!

Fini

34 thoughts on “What If Bible Characters Were Animals?”

  1. Well, here I go promoting plate tectonics again – I’m thinking by the number of comments here they get a whole lot of promotion. Well maybe they need it. Anyway, this post is over the top f*****g hilarious. I was grabbed silly with the very first image… and downhill from there. Do you realize, your Great Tacpiness, that thanks to you I’ll never be able to take god seriously again? And ain’t that a crying shame, huh? This calls for at least three beers of penance, methinks. I know, I’m not a priest, so I’m self-medicating, what the hell.

    Like

    Reply

  2. Great on Yahweh’s face after creating the first human. He had meant to create an ape, but screwed up. See what a mess he made?

    Like

    Reply

  3. Thank you for visiting my blog.

    Like

    Reply

  4. Yay, thank the divine! Our mutual pal Mike sent me over to read this post cos it has hamsters on it and I always blog hamsters. So, am I glad I’m here x

    Like

    Reply

  5. Hahahah!
    Brother you killed me with this one. Who woullda think of this?

    Like

    Reply

  6. Garden of Eden furnished by IKEA?

    Like

    Reply

  7. Nah, you got it wrong your eminence! The first picture is Adam after he ate of the fruit: “And their eyes where open…, and he saw that Eve was naked…” 😉

    Like

    Reply

  8. I am down with the Apostles! LOL!

    Like

    Reply

  9. God’s reaction while reading your post.

    Like

    Reply

  10. Hello hello, I showed this to Ron as he got up and he loved it. Put him in a good mood for getting up and going to work. Thanks and Hugs

    Like

    Reply

  11. This is both hilarious and unexpectedly adorable! Just like you! :p

    Like

    Reply

Comments can be left for free, but cost $7.50 to take.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.