Pope Converts To Islam After Near Death Experience

New Muslim, Mohammad Ali Dolli

New Muslim, And Former Pope, Mohammad Ali Dolli

The Shire, Middle Earth.   In faith shattering news out of the Vatican today, former Catholic, and Pope, Francis has announced his conversion to Islam after having a near death experience while on vacation in Hawaii last week.  “I was doing what I normally do one morning, eating a big bowl of communion wafers with sugar and milk, when one of the wafers became lodged in my wind pipe and I blacked out,” the former Pope said earlier. “My man-servant, Robert Slippery Fella, luckily noticed me lying face down, and unconscious, in the bowl of wafers and performed CPR on me until I came to.  I had actually been dead for a minute or so before being revived and, during that minute, I clearly felt my soul leave my body and begin to enter the gates of Heaven. What shocked me about this experience was that I did not see Jesus in Heaven awaiting me but Allah and 72 virgin brides wearing T-shirts with my picture on them. Allah had a big smile on his face and was waving his finger at me as if to say, ‘See, Pope Francis, you had it ALL wrong.’ But just as he was about to open his mouth and speak to me, I was pulled back into the land of the living by the life saving efforts of Mr. Slippery Fella. Needless to say, I have forsworn my former, and erroneous, life as a Catholic and Pope, and have converted to Islam, the one, true religion. I have also changed my name to Mohammad Ali Dolli and will be moving to Mecca at the end of next month. Goodbye for now.  Assalaam-O-Alaikum.”

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55 thoughts on “Pope Converts To Islam After Near Death Experience

  1. u r too cynically funny. continue…

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  2. I swear I don’t know what is wrong with me, I keep wondering what made this Robert guy so slippery?

    …I am always late to the damn party! I need more computer time dammit!

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  3. I had a NDE at 17, starved to the point of death, my maternal grandfather , then frail and old, rushed me to the hospital after I had collapsed. I had a wonderful happy time being dead. No pain, no worries, and so calm and wonderful. Then I was crammed back into the pain soaked body I lived in, with the pressures of the world around me. I asked the doctor in the room with people working over me why he did that, his response surprised me..He said ” everyone I have manged to save has asked me that very same question as soon as they could talk”…So that is my NDE. and I decided to try to stick around for a while. Hugs

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  4. Gotta’ watch those NDE experiences … you never know what you might encounter!

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  5. Reblogged this on The Blogging Path and commented:
    That’s wrong! So the dead pope does an OBE and sees the Almighty to a religion that kills innocent Christians. My beef with his “revelation” is why settle for 72 cousins when he could have all of them, including lesbian virgins. Just saying.

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  6. Hahaha!! Great stuff!

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  7. Let’s take this show out on the road and totally confuse, anger, stun and generally piss off the righteous Swaggarts et all out there……………of course, then you become a deity to people like me and oh it starts all over again. LOL.

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  8. ” eating a big bowl of communion wafers” – isn’t all that body-of-christ high in cholesterol? Maybe he just needed a change of diet….

    Pope, Imam, Grand Poobah, it’s all the same lodge with different meeting rooms.

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  9. As John has said, it would be nice to read the type of heaven Muslims go to in their NDE’s. We could then start heaven tourism either to Muslim heaven or Christian heaven, whichever shall have been properly described by the travellers.

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  10. What does he intend to do with his risque DVD’s?

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    • I saw this earlier. What an utter jackass. I gave this guy the benefit of the doubt, but fuck him. Same Catholic Church, same Catholic bullshit. And, I always wonder why people who have NDE’s ALWAYS have visions of a christian type heaven in them? Does anyone have a near death experience and see Loki or Thor? How about Poseidon, or a Valkyrie? Crazy-ass bullshit.

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    • Be interesting to hear the NDE’s of Muslims. Do they see hoards of women?

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    • And why is it that Muslims do not have NDE’s in which they see Jesus? If christians are right, shouldn’t they? Nonsense. And idiots murder people and discriminate against people based on their childish beliefs in this kind of shit. Brother, religion SUCKS! I try not to be B & W with things, but in the case of organized formal religion, it fucking sucks.

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    • There was an Asperger spectrum atheist caller on a relatively recent (IIRC) episode of The Thinking Atheist who told of her NDE where she saw…some sci fi characters or something.

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    • Sounds like fun things to see upon death, Yoda and Mr. Spock. 🙂

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  11. …and good riddance

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  12. Well, anything better than converting to protestantism…

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