Jedi Temple, Coruscant. According to Jedi sources embedded within the Republican Party, an ancient Sith practice, last performed by Darth Nixon himself, was recently used to resurrect Lord Nixon’s Dark Side apprentice, Gerald Ford, from the grave in order to obliterate Obama Care and its creator, President Obi Wan “Barack” Obama himself.
The plan failed, however, when Ford, true to his former form, tripped on the edge of his grave while climbing out and fell back in, crushing his decaying skull to fragments in the process. A cry of rage went up from the hundreds of Republicans who had gathered to witness this dark event. As they left, they swore that the power of the Dark Side would yet prevail, and all non-Christians, along with all those living below the poverty line, would, indeed, be destroyed.