01.18.15
by

8 Year Old Shocked To Learn He’s Only 7

8 Year Old Boy Cries To Learn He's Only 7

8 Year Old Boy Cries To Learn He’s Only 7

Emerald City, Oz.   In sad news today a local boy’s 8th birthday party was violently ruined when his mother, Ms. Elizabeth V. Ulva, informed him it was, in fact, his 7th birthday and not his 8th as he’d been lead to believe. “You see,” Ms. V. Ulva said earlier, “I ain’t never been good wit numbers. I just ‘ad always figured me boy ta be a year older than ‘e wuz iz all. It weren’t til ‘iz daddy come by fer the party we wuz havin,’ ‘n knocked me on me ‘ead wit a gallon ‘o cold milk, dat I ‘member’d me boy wuz a year younger den I wuz tellin’ ’em ‘e wuz. Good thin’ fer dat milk, or I’d still not know ‘iz right age. Now, if’n someone wouldn’t mind ‘ittin’ me noggin’ wit dat gallon ‘o milk one more time, maybe I kin ‘member me boy’z name.”

61 thoughts on “8 Year Old Shocked To Learn He’s Only 7”

  1. you won’t appear in my reader. i accidentally found you in ficition. my notifications don’t work.when you click the box..after the 6th constant day, somone told me to type wordpress.com/notifications…now i can’t find my post under any category anywhere, so only people who follow can see and they aren’t the people who need to see this..

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  2. It totally twists my tiny almost not there mind that any mixed gender pair, no matter how closely related ( in some states that is almost a requirement ) and with no training, paperwork, skill, or even a learners permit can just pop out one little demanding semi evolved off spring, yet responsible hard working gay people with the means to give the brats at least enough dental care to have more than three teeth have had to fight tooth and nail polish ( pun intended by the way, your rubbing off on me ) in each state just to have , adopt, or keep their own children. I think the zoo is being run by the hyenas and they are laughing so much because they are smoking the elephants weed and taking the lions depression pills with out cutting down the dosage. I would love to hear your thoughts on this, but will settle for reading it with the voice in my head assigned to you. Hugs

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    • Totally true. We need a license to drive a car, but any two idiots can crank out a baby, then abuse and/or neglect it and be considered “good” normal parents because they’re straight. Fuck that. I’d love to have had two gay parents who loved me rather than the 2 and a half “straight” ones who abused the shit outta me for 20 years. Fuck that. This idiotic idea that only a man and a woman make up a good parenting pair is bullshit. It is the view of the Christian right and those people are the ones who should most definitely NOT be allowed to breed or raise kids.

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  3. Next time I have trouble remembering something I’ll try hitting myself on the noggin with a gallon of milk. Nothing like folk remedies to cure your memory lapses. Is that procedure done with the cap on or off? Inquiring minds want to know 🙂

    The poor kid though. All this time he was thinking only 10 more years till I can get away from this shit, now it has been bumped up to 11.

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  5. Plainly born out of wedlock – cover up job the christian way

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  6. Fortunately it was confusion of 7 and 8, not 17 and 18. That would be a real mess.

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  7. ‘Ms V. Ulva … 🙂 brilliant!

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  8. Hahaha How I would like to sit in a pub and have a drink with you – you’re hilarious. Clever, brilliant hilarious!

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    • Thank you greatly. I’d love to sit and have a drink with you. I’m a lot funnier in person. And I don’t just mean how I look. 🙂

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    • Haha I couldn’t care less how you look, it’s what you have to say that matters. Your comment just reminded me of Fargo (I saw it again this week) , how everyone is incapable of giving an accurate description of Steve Buscemi: ” I don’t know, he was kind of funny looking”
      You could be all shades of “funny looking” and I would still love to have a drink with you haha

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    • You’re in luck then, cause I look like Chris Hemsworth, the guy who plays Thor. 🙂 Love Fargo. They did a 10 part series based on it on AMC, I believe, last year which is hilarious too. Martin Freeman plays the William H. Macy character. If you’ve a way to see it there, you’ll love it. The Coen brothers produced it and it has the same feel as the movie. Billy bob Thornton is the bad guy. I loved it.

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    • I know about the series but I haven’t seen it yet. It’s definitely on my list though as I love the film. In fact, I’m pretty much in love with the Coen Brothers, not their most recent work but gems like Raising Arizona which manages to be both incredibly funny and touching at the same time.
      Billy Bob Thornton is another favourite of mine 🙂

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    • You’ll love the series then, and I, too, love the Coen’s. Didn’t care much for their movie about the folk singer, but their “True Grit” remake and “No Country For Old Men” are two my favorite films. Cool guys.

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    • Oh, I believe we are having our first disagreement: I loved Inside Llewyn Davis 😉
      No Country for Old men was far from my favourite but I loved True Grit. Not least because I could decipher Jeff Bridge’s drawl and my British friends couldn’t! That made me feel ridiculously pleased with myself haha

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    • I really like Oscar Isaac and I love folk music, but didn’t care for Llewyn Davis. The Coen’s do so much cool and different stuff, not everything they do hits home with all their fans. I really love “Miller’s Crossing”, but several people I know don’t. Regardless, the Coen’s are awesome. As is their pal Sam Raimi whose work I’ve enjoyed, being the 80’s horror film fan I am.

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    • I totally get where you’re coming from, I love the Coens but I am not a fan of everything they do – Intolerable Cruelty and Burn after Reading spring to mind. I like Miller’s Crossing but I’m aware it’s a controversial choice. I just thought that Inside Llewyn Davies captured the whole” pomposity of art” and the narcissism of some artists who are not very nice people and basically sacrifice everything, including decency , to their “art”. As for No country for Old Men, I liked the book so much more, I found it incredibly poignant and I could hardly tell you why the film didn’t resonate with me – it just didn’t. Sam Raimi: it’s all good and 80’s horror films are where it’s at when it comes to horror. After the 80’s, horror descended into gorefests with no humour in my humble opinion 🙂

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    • Agreed. Movies create opinions. Not everyone agrees. That’s what makes things interesting. In “Llewyn Davies” the Coen’s, I believe, where going for a James Joyce “Ulysses” type of story on top of all else you said. It didn’t work for me. Doesn’t mean I’m right. It is just a fact. I didn’t care for it. I like chocolate, others like vanilla. Doesn’t make one right and the other wrong. They’re just different opinions. What really irks me, however, is when a person claims to dislike a certain film or style of film, then repeatedly watches said style of film claiming the films in that style or by a said director are awful. The fault, dear Brutus, then lies not in your stars, but in yourself. If someone claims to hate “Star Wars” movies, but continues to see, and hate, “Star Wars” movies, said person is an idiot, and I do not respect their opinions. I dislike ballet. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it, it’s just that I do not care for it. So, I do not go to the ballet. If I were to continually go to a restaurant I hated and continually bitched about the food, the problem wouldn’t really be the food. It would be that I’m an idiot for eating there. I find many people with this mentality when it comes to films. They’re just movies, and opinions on them vary. Any way, I’m not inferring any of this about you. I just saw this as an opportunity to pontificate, so, me being me, I did. 😀

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    • I pretty much agree with everything you said. And pontificate away my friend, I like it! It’s just a shame you can’t do it in person 😉

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    • I wish the same. Well, if you ever get to Chicago, let’s have a few. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • It’s a date! Well, you know what I mean 🙂

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    • Great. My real name is Jeff. It’s on here some where. I’m not hiding it, I just don’t think it’s as funny as the silly one’s I use as my blog name. Hope to meet you some day. You’ll get a lot of laughs. I assure it. 🙂

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    • I’m Nathalie, nice to meet you Jeff – I’m sure the laughs would be aplenty and I can assure you that if I ever swing by Chicago, I’ll be sure to holler for ya 🙂

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    • You know what, that makes two of us! This dude is damn brilliant

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, my friend. I love you, too. 🙂

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    • You keep me laughing days on end my friend. Much love

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