Crazed Gunman Kills 89 at NRA Convention

In shockingly ironic news today, 89 people were killed, and dozens more critically injured, when a crazed gunman opened fire at an NRA convention in Paris, Texas. “There were bullets and blood spraying everywhere,” said NRA spokeswoman, Silkie V. Gina.

NRA Spokeswoman, Silkie V. Gina

NRA Spokeswoman, Silkie V. Gina

“I was in the middle of giving my speech on how Jesus commands all Americans to be armed for protection against atheists and Democrats, when, out of nowhere, a tall, crazed looking fellow resembling Moses, leaped onto the stage and began firing an automatic assault rifle into the crowd. The screams were deafening, and the smell of people soiling themselves overwhelming. I’ve never seen, or smelt, anything like it.

Photo Of Crazed NRA Gunman

Crazed Gunman From NRA Convention Massacre

As he was firing away, the biblical-looking gunman repeatedly shouted out, ‘This is for all the kids killed with the guns you mother fuckers helped put into the hands of their killers.’ He continued to shoot and shout until one of our less soiled members grabbed a nearby hardbound edition of the King James Bible, rushed the stage, and bashed the gunman over the head with it, several times. That he wasn’t killed himself while doing this can only be attributed to a miracle that came from the The Bible he used to bash in the gunman’s skull. Since the gunman was killed, we’ll never truly know what caused him to slaughter our members like he did, but, if we get anything out of this at all, it is this: Without guns, Bibles, and babes, no American is safe from the crazies out there who wish to cause us harm. God bless America, God bless guns, and God bless the NRA!”

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12 thoughts on “Crazed Gunman Kills 89 at NRA Convention

  1. Reblogged this on The Blogging Path and commented:
    It’s this true? Did that Moses-like character use a gun against his fellow gun-toting Christians and pals? I’d hope that the Bible thumpers could forgive that gunman. That’s crazy. Just saying.

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  2. HILARIOUS. My partner and I had a wonderful morning laugh while reading this this morning 🙂 At the same time, I must thank you for reminding society that we must, by all means, stay away from atheists and democrats!

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  3. Silkie V. Gina, what a name! Do you by chance have thousands of names stored somewhere or you make them up as you go along. They are as hilarious as the stories you tell

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  4. Death by bible bashing! Could catch on I reckon.

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