In a reason-defying new development, Young Earthers have joined forces with Flat Earthers and decreed that not only is the Earth much younger than the 4.5 billion years scientists say it is, it is also as flat as any note sung by Russell Crowe in the film version of “Les Miserables”.
Earth Today
Rev. Dick Izhard, spokesman for the new Flat/Young Earthers Society, released this statement a few hours ago. “First of all, let me say that the Earth is young. Very young. God just made it about 6 years ago. This 4.5 billion years stuff is just ludicrous. Where is the evidence for this? Nowhere. Earth is only 6 years old people. Deal with it. As well, the Earth is not round. It is flat. It was round, and hot, when God first made it, but it flattened rapidly as it cooled. There is no valid argument that can be made against this. We are standing on flat ground aren’t we? Could we stand like this on a big round ball? Hell no! We’d be on our asses. Case closed. Earth is flat.
Earth’s B-Day, 6 Years Ago. It Flattened As It Cooled
We believers in a young, flat Earth insist that our beliefs be taught in every public school in America. This will ensure all children learn the only truth about the world God made for them. We know we are absolutely right in what we believe because for many months, in closed small rooms, we meditated, denied ourselves sleep, and starved ourselves while asking God to enlighten us to the real truth about the Earth. Well, He did. And, now, we intend to force this truth on to you and your family.
Oh, and we, like God, hate gay people. And though that particular issue has nothing to do with what’s been discussed here, we felt compelled to mention it because gays are the spawn of Satan and you have to watch out or they’ll convert you to their hideous life style. Thank you for your time. We hope to be teaching our beliefs shortly in your children’s schools. Amen.”
What God Hates, We Hate
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Reblogged this on The Blogging Path and commented:
These youngsters don’t know what they’re talking about. “Ancient” people believed this planet is flat. Heck, I STILL believe this hell-hole is somewhat flat. But that doesn’t mean I’m that “ancient”. Maybe, our fine educational system could convince these upstarts that our planet is really a cube spinning incredibly fast, that it looks spherical, when it’s NOT! Just another opine.
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Great points. 🙂
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The Young Earth/Flat Earther’s logic is staggering! It also reminds me of the “witches” scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
“What else floats in water?”
“Very small rocks!”
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And…ducks!!! Ducks float in water! So, if she weighs the same as a….duck!!!!, then.. she’s a….Witch!!!!! Monty Python and Christian logic. You just can’t top ’em.
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lol! “Burn her!”
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Can’t believe you’ve not seen those shows. Python and Fawlty Towers are the shows that helped warp my crazy mind into what it is today. I watched them religiously when I was growing up.
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Monty Python rock!
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They’re my heroes. I’m assuming you’ve seen John Cleese’ show “Fawlty Towers” as well. If not, you simply must. You’ll split your side laughing.
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I haven’t but checking it out right away!
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You MUST!!! There’s only like 11 of them, but they are HILARIOUS! Cleese wrote the show with his then wife Connie Booth, who plays the maid on the show. HILARIOUS!!!
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Am enjoying this. Truly hilarious
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Just wait. Each show is funnier than the last.
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Spotted a thing today when researching a skit. It was all about creationists proving that there were once fire breathing dragons! I mean you and I knew that anyway. Yours, F Wit, aged 5.
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Yes. Yes we did, Mr. Wit. Love always, Dingle D. Berry, aged 678. $Amen$
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How old am I? 5 days old or what?
The earth is flat, this I agree with. If it were round, there would be no water in the oceans
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You are a wise man. But, never imply that you can be any older than 6, and never question why, or ask for supporting evidence to this. I’ll consider it an attack on my religion if you do, and sue you. I’m a lawyer. Don’t mess with me.
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“it is also as flat as any note sung by Russell Crowe in last year’s film version of “Les Miserables”.” Now that was REALLY flat!
By the way, I prefer your previous avatar. I liked the little Moses-looking dude.
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He’s coming back. was on vacation near the Red sea.
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Oh good.
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Brilliant…this made me feel young. I tend to think I’m 32 years old, but I guess that doesn’t make any sense…No way I’m older than the Earth, right? Thanks for enlightening me!
P.S.
My dad and his wife are visiting from Canada for three weeks…I’m kinda pressed for time when it comes to blogging, so please don’t mistake my absence for lack of interest. I’m just busy showing my dad a taste of Curaçao, an island that sprung from the ocean about six years I believe;)
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Oh, be careful! That island is still cooling off. Wouldn’t want any magma burns on your feet. Have fun with the folks. Oh, and don’t fall off the side of the Earth when you’re walking around. It’s a bitch having to hall people back up on a rope.
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I think Curacao must have sprung up about 5 years ago after it broke off the mainland…or did we all just spring as we are now? Dammit, I’m bringing science into this argument again… 🙂
Oh, so that’s what you’ve been doing with your time!
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You don’t need science. You just have to believe.
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“When the earth hits your eye like a big pizza pie” … This line from an old song has more meaning now. Thanks.
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