What Do You Mean, English Isn’t An American Creation?
In unsurprising news today, Oxford University released its findings on a 13 month study which confirmed the embarrassing fact most Americans are unaware the English language originated in ENGLAND and not New Jersey. “Wow!” said Nancy Silliasskiss, an American. “England? People there sound, like, so fucking weird. Hell, I’d even say, effeminate, if I weren’t a lady myself. No fucking way my language started there! Someone’s fuckin’ with me. Right?” “The sad case is,” said Oxford Professor, John Stuckupagus, “is that so many Americans are so poorly educated, and so arrogant at the same time, little in the world makes much sense to them at all, and they blame those who point this out to them for, well, pointing this out to them. Our prognosis for America is very poor. Do you realize there are groups there who literally deny the science of evolution and are vehemently fighting for creationism to be taught in public schools instead? Really, I’m not fucking with you. Sad, isn’t it.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Another GREAT read.
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Thanks. And thanks for the follow. Much appreciated.
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yvw.
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Pingback: The Arm Chair Pontificator | 9 Out Of 10 Americans Shocked English Language Not An American Creation | Scotties Toy Box
*sake of it
I do believe my comment was too long haha
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Not too long at all. I appreciate you writing it. 🙂
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Being French, I LOVED this! Haha
I once had an awful argument with an american man in a restaurant over here in England because he was incredibly rude about the food, staff and customers. He happened to be sitting next to me and my boyfriend at the time and engaged us in conversation even though we were meant to be on a date and very plainly looked like we wanted to be left alone. This wouldn’t have been too bad if he didnt go on to display a level of ignorance and arrogance that was quite shocking. After a while, I couldn’t keep being polite and told him that he really shouldn’t have wasted his time crossing the pond if his only aim was to stubbornly ignore and insult the culture over here. His response was to totally ignore me, turn to my boyfriend and say: “you should really go over to the states and get yourself a proper girl. I dont know how you manage that one. I never trusted the French myself.” Well, after that I’m afraid that I turned rather vulgar and told him to: “Please pardon my French (ha!) but….just fuck off, you dickhead.”
Not my proudest moment but he had it coming.
I hasten to add that I have met many americans who were intelligent, cultivated and basically lovely people – in case you assume I’m just an american basher for the sake of it 😉
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Great comment. Not too long at all, and I do not think you’re an American basher nor that you were wrong for telling that guy to fuck off. There are good people who are Americans, and there are some VERY rude, arrogant, ignorant bad ones. To travel to another country, then insult some woman you don’t know in a restaurant, is despicable, but it is all too common with a certain breed of American. Being an American, I’ve no trouble calling out Americans for so much of the ignorant stupid shit they do. Arrogance abounds in far too many of my countrymen. Republicans spew it from their pores like venom. I do not like that, so, I satirize them. 🙂
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Knowing as much about geography as most young Americans, I say I am still proud of our little island off the coast of Florida – New Jersey. They may not have given us the English language, but their legacy remains totally awesome – Shakespeare, Beethoven, Michelangelo, and of course the Power Rangers.
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And don’t forget Barney the Dinosaur. I do believe he was Governor of New Jersey a few years back. Not many states can claim to have had such a purple Governor, eh?
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You really should be a bit chuffed that the Mayflower was full of American speaking Americans though! Changing the subject are they really contemplating teaching creationism as ‘fact’ in your schools – surely to God (!) not!
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Indeed. In the Southern Bible belt, that battle rages on today. They call it, “Intelligent Design” down there, not creationism, and claim it is as valid a theory as evolution. Of course, they insist it isn’t a religious view they’re demanding be taught, though that’s exactly what it is: A Christian, creationist, belief.
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Fuck me! Legend taught as history…the grooming of children to believe myth as truth. Surely in a society where just about anything can trigger litigation some parent will get a case in the courts a sue for damages to their child!
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Yes. Fundamentalists are suing that their kids are being damaged by being exposed to evolution in schools and not “Intelligent Design.” It isn’t the other way around. It SHOULD be, but it isn’t. We have it written in our Constitution that religion and State are separate, but they are not. This is a crazy country.
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Given that most democratic countries (UK/France/Germany etc) are quite happy to more or less ignore religion save for a few token gestures every so often, then how come the US has gone this strange route. I mean with the knowledge expansion of recent times I would expect America to be leading the way forward and not turning the clock backward! All very worrying.
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It’s a huge issue in the Bible belt here. It isn’t as if Federal Law decrees Intelligent Design MUST be taught, but the fact that this question is still a fundamental political issue is sickening to me.
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It’ll be interesting to test the US reaction if Ed Milliband (an atheist) becomes Prime Minister after the May General Election!
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They’ll claim England is lead by the devil, no doubt. That is if any of them even know what’s happening in Europe or anywhere else for that matter. One should privately be able to believe whatever it is that makes one feel content in the world, but religion and politics must be separate or there can be no freedom of, or freedom from, religion in a nation.
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You inspired a poem on this subject by the way – yet I might have to adjust the wording a bit because it read anti US which I’m oddly not!
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I’m not either, but we write to express our feelings, all of them. And sometimes, those feelings are negative. I’m anxious to read your poem. 🙂
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A couple of tweaks – don’t post on weekends these days so as to keep the missus happy – so early next week Sir!
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I’ll be watching for it. $Amen$
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and i’m mishuginah enough to come back and live here
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I live here too, and I ain’t leaving. Love America, but some Americans are true a-holes. Too many actually.
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you mean you live in the bible belt, too?
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No. I live in Chicago, but that doesn’t make me dislike the fundamentalist b.s. in the Bible belt any less.
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ah, you live ,chicken in the car & the car won’t go, chi ca go.i change the channel, when they start talking
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They scare me. They really do. The South is so bloody beautiful otherwise.
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people in florida scared me. you can’t go outside your hotel, without being shot at …..
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I was there in August one year. HOT. HUMID. Did not like it one bit.
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you are lucky to be alive .lol
2011 , i was there was 10 months…universal orlando
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Did you get to go to Universal Studios there? That would be fun. I was there before it was built. Though I did enjoy Disney World when I was there, in spite of the heat.
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1 day, i crossed the highway with a lot of people & then i started walking forever & realized it was a million miles away…& for some reason i never got there..not even to the movies… i went to disney & epcot,years earlier.
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🙂
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oh you know what…when i arrived there was this crazy avatar compassion pyramid scheme group & they tried to get me…every few months they would have a seminar..craziest looking people , you have ever seen
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That sounds vaguely familiar to me. I think they got a lot of famous people with that scam. Kevin Bacon and his wife, Kyra Sedgwick are two of them I believe.
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really. they are unbelieveable. they want you to give them 10,000 to teach you to have compassion…i call them the uncompassionate avatars…evil no good people..stealing money from ignorant poor people…they were my very first post…they are also in a bunch of different countries…the head guy lives in orlando & this lady invited me for a vegan thanksgiving, which i would have loved if they weren’t criminals
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Wow. They sound horrible. I think I was thinking of a “pyramid” money scheme that was conducted by some crook of an accountant in Hollywood a few years back. What your talking about sounds much worse and far more evil. Some much horror is done in the name of goodness and compassion.
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i don’t think i’ve heard of the hollywood scheme. i saw this one ,with my own eyes…they even try to get intelligent people,like this college girl , who worked at hotel….she was diabetic & once i read they won’t let you take medicine..if you do, they make you run around a may pole.. & she & i would laugh about how they would make her…..
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Sound like Scientologists. Are they still around? Crazy how many intelligent people fall for crap like that.
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i think so. now that you say that. i believe their head guy ,left scientology & started this…one day 3 , 300 lb guys ,dressed in black, sat next to me at golden corral …there were only 2 restaurants that & friday’s.lol .. i called them bodyguards who make you run around the pole…
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Religions are nutty, but even more so those who buy into the silliness. The compassionate thing to do is to GIVE people 10 thousand dollars, not ask for them to give it to you. Oh well, that’s why I write satire.
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yes ,they should have given the people they asked for money, 10,000.00 ..i just can’t believe sociopaths , who have no compassion, b/c they are sociopaths, pretend they can teach others to have compassion.lol
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Sociopaths R Us. A new religion coming soon to a street corner near you.
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LOL.. oh i’m there:i’m always there. they always find me,unortunately.
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🙂
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This though funny has some little ring of truth in it. Some of your countrymen seem to know so little of the world.
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Many of my countrymen, not just some, know very little of the world.
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Ha Ha, brilliant sir!
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Thank you, kindly.
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I suppose next you’re going to tell us the Beatles are english and not american?
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Of COURSE the Beatles are American. I mean, COME ON!!!
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Brilliant.
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Thank you, sir.
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Be Careful! You’re writing about me. 😯
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And ME. Sometimes, we just gotta face up to ourselves and say,”Do I really look THAT silly to the rest of the world?” Yes. Yes we do. On many, many things.
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