“Plate Tectonics is an example of the paranoid nonsense geologists throw at us as explanations for how the Earth works,” said Creationist and exotic dancer, Anita B. Job today. “It takes less than a single functioning brain cell to see that geologists, like biologists, are drug abusers, gamblers, and sociopaths. This is why they expect rational, sober Christians, like me, to believe the Earth is made up of large tectonic plates which are slowly moving atop the viscous, molten material of the Earth’s upper mantle. Clearly, and without refute, the REAL explanation for how the continents of the Earth move is quite simple: God moves them with the help of his prized Oxen, Butt-licker (See illustration below).
God went through a great deal of effort to create Butt-licker, and he’s been busy for all 6000 years of the Earth’s existence moving the continents around whenever God’s asked him to. It is an affront to my beliefs as a Christian, and as an exotic dancer, to expect me to accept a scientific theory like plate tectonics as believable. Utterly and completely preposterous! That’s what I say. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve a strip-pole to grease up for tonight’s show.”