Lazarus And Job To Open Deli In Chicago

Job Telling Friends, God's A Prick

Job Telling Friends, God’s A Prick

Lazarus, Is Resurrected, Then Abandoned By Pal, Jesus

Lazarus Is Resurrected, Then Abandoned By Pal, Jesus

Lazarus, the friend Jesus resurrected from the dead before abandoning him forever, and Job, God’s favorite whipping boy, have joined forces in opening a Jewish Style Deli, with a unique twist, in Chicago. “We’ve been planning to do this for about 100 years,” said Lazarus, “but with Job’s chronic battles with morphine and my repeated attempts to find the right Broadway musical to fit my enormous talents, we just haven’t gotten around to it til now. Because of who we are, our deli will be unique in ways others could never hope to be. For example, with each purchase of matzo ball soup, customers will receive a lock of hair from their favorite Biblical character. Job and I have no problem with clubbing ANYONE in the Judeo-Christian Bible over the head and cutting off a large clump of hair, and scalp, too, if so desired, in order to please our customers.  I’ve always felt a nice, bloody clump of hair next to your matzo ball soup made it somehow taste better.  And if you want that hair to come from, say, Jesus, Mary, or Joseph, all ya gotta do is ask.  Job and I are pretty fuckin’ pissed about how the Almighty and his son treated us back in the day, see. So clubbing Biblical characters over the head is something we love doing. If our customers can benefit from our rage, well, that’s just hunky-dory then, ain’t it?  We’ll be open in about a week, so if you’re in town, please stop by and see us. Your taste buds will be glad you did.”

16 thoughts on “Lazarus And Job To Open Deli In Chicago

  1. That’s a deli with a twist really.
    HAppy new year buddy


  2. One of Mary Magdalene’S pubes with every bagel?


  3. No mention of poppy seed bagels. Advise?


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