Humbug! And Up Yours, I Say!
TACP is very proud to present: “A Christmas Carol,” with Pat Robertson as Scrooge, Barack Obama as The Ghost of Christmas Past, and the ghost of Christopher Hitchens as The Ghost of Christmases yet to come. The film opens on Christmas Eve. Get your tickets early, cause this movie is gonna rock! Brief scenes from the script by Quintin Tarantino will be presented on an ongoing basis right here to whet your appetite for the movie. The film was co-directed by Martin Scorsese and Lars Von Trier and features a sound track by John Williams.
Scene one: Scrooge’s bedroom, dusk. Scrooge is tossing darts at a dart board with the words “Obama Care” written in the bull’s-eye. The Ghost of Christmas Past enters by crawling through an open window, startling Scrooge.
BOO! I’m The ghost Of Christmas Past!
Scrooge: What in the name of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ, do you think you’re doing crawling into my house, black person? One call and your humbug butt gets arrested; then found guilty, and then executed for being a black man who crawled into a white man’s house through the window.
Ghost: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past, and I have come to show you how past Christmases have helped turn you into the grouchy-ass racist mother fucker you are today, Mr. Scrooge.
Scrooge: Racist? I’m not racist. Two of my septic tank cleaners are black, and another is an illegal alien who I pay a whopping 15 cents a day to. Humbug, I say! Humbug! I’m about as progressive as you can get after surpassing a certain tax bracket. I’m conservative, a Tea Party member, a Christian, white, and rich. You, know, a real American.
Ghost: Believe me, sir, you are far from being progressive on anything. Now, take my hand and I’ll transport you back to earlier Christmases so you can see how the mother fucker you are today was formed.
Scrooge: Hand? I have to touch you to do this? But you’re black. I might catch something. Have you done this before?
Ghost: Just take my fucking hand before I kick your old white ass all over the damn room.
Scrooge takes the Ghost’s hand and we fade to black.
End of part one.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
i was going to write you , the allknowing one & ask where are people finding this fireworks page…finally i found it, but it didn’t turn into fireworks…(it’s me ES)
also how did you get pat robertson, to make this photo. i’ve seen casey anthony’s attorney do this twice on live tv, but only him.
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I said I was gay, and asked him out on a date after telling him he was the hottest man I’d ever seen. I then took a picture of his response. 😀
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how did you do that over here.. i’m sorry , i was waiting for you over there..i didn’t know you were here..
LOL.. that would make pat angry!
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It did. Just glad he didn’t take me up on the offer, cause though I may be a wise-ass, I’m not gay, and I’d be forced to go on a gay date with Pat Robertson. Ouch!
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that would be terrible. i don’t know how i found that fireworks thing, but it never came out like every other person’s. i give up.
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I got mine in an email. I’ve since deleted it. I actually forgot what it really said as the one I made up is a lot more fun.
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lol oh yours IS a LOT more fun!!!! i just read you shouldn’t use more than 3 of these !!! for every 100,000 words, but i give you 4
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Use more than three of what, may I ask? The fireworks thingy?
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these things !!! .. i give you 4 !!!!
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Oh, these!!!!! Now I see. Well, thank you this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!much.
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LOl .you aren’t seeing things that are there.. and just a few minutes ago, i saw things that weren’t there…!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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🙂 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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how did you make my comment from over there come here to ES, i can’t even do that…i guess it’s b/c yo u are the omnipotent one
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Omnipotent and clueless as to my own powers cause I’ve no idea.
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i’m glad you don’t know, b/c i wouldn’t understand the explanation
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That’s one up on me cause I don’t even understand the question. 😀
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that’s what i thought .LOL i don’t understand the answer..back to even…just kidding.. i wrote you from rachel & you answered me at ES…wait i just understood.. you didn’t do this….my computer did.. i wrote you from raechel but it must have said i was ES to you…
i didn’t notice and i don’t speak to people often, but when i do, i notice the name will be wrong..
oh this is so hard to explain..i have to think how to explain
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Don’t think too hard. I did that once. Once. And it almost killed me. 🙂
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LOL. i can understand how that could easily happen to me
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🙂
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Better than Dickens’ original (though I must say I don’t care much for Dickens)
I had actually used that same pic of Pat Robertson in a post I did on the ten commandments a few weeks back: http://randomnessessities.com/2013/11/07/10-things-that-are-wrong-with-the-list-format-some-thoughts-for-moses/
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Great minds think alike, eh? Robertson. Where, oh, where to even begin with that idiot?!
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That’s a good question…Again, if you manage to answer that, the Nobel Prize Committee simply has no way around you anymore…
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True. Very true. Solving the Robertson puzzle will surely make the discovery of the Higg’s boson pale by comparison.
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Haha…indeed, Robertson is a much bigger mystery than that Higg’s thingy…
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BTW, I want a Nobel just because I actually know what the Higgs boson is and how it verifies the existence of the Higgs field. I’m fucking brilliant that way. And modest.
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Really? I’m impressed. All I know is that it’s call the Higgs thingy and that it supposedly ’causes’ mass…and even though I’m not entirely sure that’s correct, I was pretty impressed by myself for knowing that (I majored in psychology, so physics, although interesting, are not my area of expertise)
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Light passes threw a field, aka, the Higgs field, named after one of the dudes who said it was there, and some of the particles in it slow and clump, thus creating mass, or us, cause with out matter there’d be just light and no us. A boson is a particle displaying properties particular to certain fields that we know exist i.e., gravity, magnetism, Republicanism, etc. but that we can’t see. The Higgs boson is evidence, physical real evidence that the Higgs field is there doing what we thought it had to be doing in order for mass to exist. It took 50 years to confirm what the math was telling us was there, but scientists waited for the evidence BEFORE claiming it as fact. It’s another blow to religious bullshit that states god created matter. This is an overly simplified explanation, but what I love about discoveries like this is they teach us how science works and how fucking hard it is to prove a hypothesis. It’s a lot fucking easier to say everything in a fantasy book like the Bible is real.
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So euhm…that’s a very nice story, but how do you think it measures up to the first lines of the bible: In the beginning god created heaven and earth. And then he said: ‘let there be light’…That means earth existed before light did, pretty much disproving the entire scientist-babble you just pulled.
What do you have to say now, heah, scientist-guy? Once again god totally showed you the truth, but you just keep doing your stuff with your microscopes and your telescopes and you stethoscopes and your periscopes but you’re still going to hell for refusing to believe in god. I believe I just adequately proved that.
Oh, that was me trying to react the way a hardcore christian does when confronted with the scientific method involving observation, deduction, reason and stuff like that (cause honestly, I fear the unsimplified version of this Higgs boson will be more than my pretty little atheist brain can handle;))
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You convinced me! I’ve given up the ways of the scientist who admits when he doesn’t know something and I’ve rejoined the Biblical faithful. Now, give me a non-believer to mock, ridicule, and force into a suicidal depression and my Sunday’s been made. The physics behind all the Higgs stuff is mind melting. Stephen Hawking said there’s about 15 years worth of an advanced mathematics background needed to understand the formulas for some of this shit. I spend 15 minutes on math, and my brain melts. Therefor, PRAISE JESUS!!!
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That ended too soon
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It isn’t done. More to come.
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Who plays the ghost of christma present?
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