At a New York Dunkin Donuts this morning, Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, revealed a spiffy new hat He received as an early birthday gift from His Father, God The Almighty. “Ain’t it cool,” said The Anointed One. ” It’s an MP3 player and a cell phone too! My Pop is just the best!!!” Jesus then ordered a dozen chocolate donuts and 24 billion munchkins which He said were for the souls in Purgatory who were suffering because He didn’t think they had kissed His ass enough to be in Heaven when they were alive.