Baghdad, Iraq. Creationist and founder of Kentucky’s Creation Museum, Ken Ham, has been cast to play James Bond in the new 007 film, Continuum of Ignorance. The film will be produced by and directed by me, The Arm Chair Pontificator. The plot involves Bond’s attempts to permanently thrust the world, particularly America, back into the bronze age by thwarting the attempts of the villainous Engelbert Enlightened, played by Nobel Prize winning Physicist Peter Higgs, to safely keep it in the 21st century, scientifically speaking.
007 will be aided in his heroic attempts to permanently eliminate scientific thought and reasoning by Fox News babe, Megyn Kelly. Kelly is playing sexy new Bond girl, Carrie Mysack, a former Liberal who was so deeply disgruntled by the wimpy Democratic voter turn out in the last election she became a Creationist.
The film goes into production as soon as I can convince Ken Ham the cameras we’re using to film it are not devices created by Satan to capture his soul. I’ve my work cut out for me, but, like Martin Scorsese never once said to me: “Boy, if yer not tryin’ to convince a Creationist 35mm cameras aren’t really the soul-capturing tools of Satan, then you just don’t belong in the film business.” ‘Nuff said!