New James Bond Film to Star Ken Ham

The New Bond: Ken Ham

The New Bond: Ken Ham

Baghdad, Iraq. Creationist and founder of Kentucky’s Creation Museum, Ken Ham, has been cast to play James Bond in the new 007 film, Continuum of Ignorance. The film will be produced by and directed by me, The Arm Chair Pontificator.  The plot involves Bond’s attempts to permanently thrust the world, particularly America, back into the bronze age by thwarting the attempts of the villainous Engelbert Enlightened, played by Nobel Prize winning Physicist Peter Higgs, to safely keep it in the 21st century, scientifically speaking.

Peter Higgs Is Doctor Biggs Ballson: The Villain

Peter Higgs Is The Evil Engelbert Enlightened

007 will be aided in his heroic attempts to permanently eliminate scientific thought and reasoning by Fox News babe, Megyn Kelly. Kelly is playing sexy new Bond girl, Carrie Mysack, a former Liberal who was so deeply disgruntled by the wimpy Democratic voter turn out in the last election she became a Creationist.

 Megyn Kelly Is Bond Girl Carrie Mysack

Megyn Kelly Is Bond Girl, Carrie Mysack

The film goes into production as soon as I can convince Ken Ham the cameras we’re using to film it are not devices created by Satan to capture his soul. I’ve my work cut out for me, but, like Martin Scorsese never once said to me: “Boy, if yer not tryin’ to convince a Creationist 35mm cameras aren’t really the soul-capturing tools of Satan, then you just don’t belong in the film business.” ‘Nuff said!

20 thoughts on “New James Bond Film to Star Ken Ham

  1. Love your Bond-girl name 🙂


  2. LOL — this I’ve gotta see.


  3. I hope Ken Ham will give us a star performance as Bond


  4. Again, I have to apologies for Ken. He’s from my state, and we really shouldn’t have let him get away to pollute the world. Then again, maybe the authorities knew exactly what they doing….

    You see, the thing is, the further north you go in Queensland the slower and dumber people generally become. Usually it’s a good dumb though, a neighbourly dumb, the kind of dumb that is fine and good and you don’t mind at all having it around. It’s the kind of dumb that says “Hey, grab the rest of those beers and let’s go swimming with some saltwater crocs.” I really don’t know what happened to Ken. Maybe he wasn’t born far enough north…?


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