Baby, And Methamphetamine Addict, Jesus
Just in time for Christmas, the Baby Jesus today made a stunning, and somewhat surreal announcement: “I’m a hard-core methamphetamine addict and have been for many years. It isn’t easy saying this knowing that there are so many children who look up to me and want to be like me, hoping that they, too, can be brutally tortured and killed one day for the sins of people not yet born. But I can’t fight the demons that make me chase the elusive methamphetamine dragon by myself anymore. So I’ve decided to take this Christmas off from my usual duties of lying around in mangers and cooing cutely while folks pass by. Instead, I’ll be focusing on working the 12 steps of my N.A. program with the help of my sponsor, The Holy Spirit. His battle with alcohol is legendary up here in Heaven, and I gotta believe, if he learned to live without vodka, I certainly can learn to live without a continual methamphetamine buzz. In the mean time, Baby New Year will be filling in for me and covering all my Christmas responsibilities for the year. He ain’t too happy about it though, having to start work a month earlier than usual. Thus, you may notice a bit more crankiness from the Baby Jesuses you encounter this year. He’ll pull through, though, and, by next year, I’ll be meth free and back to the old grind like usual. So to all my fans, Merry Christmas, and please, keep me and my battle with methamphetamine in your thoughts throughout this blessed season. Best always, The Baby Jesus. Heaven, 12/03/2014.”
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
Well, you have made me larf, snort, and choke with hysteria. Keep up the good work sire. You are a 21st century Voltaire!
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Best kinda compliment. Thanks. Look around the blog. There’s laughs aplenty and strong opinions on things I know nothing about. Great pics on your blog, btw.
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Well thank you. Looking forward to more satire and bubble busting from you. Pleased to have found you.
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Glad you did. Spread word that I’m here making folks laugh to all you know. Like Jesus, I’m a whore for attention. 😀
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Bless your unholy pen!
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🙂
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Btw, thanks for the comparison to Voltaire. That is extremely flattering. He, Twain, and Swift are three of my idols. Well, them and John “The Wad” Holmes that is. 🙂
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And you’ve put a smile on my face again….. 🙂
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Great! You’ve put one on mine. Glad I could do it. 🙂
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Does the baby every grow up or he is continuously a year old and a day old each christmas and then between 30 and 33 in April?
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Stays a baby, then grows up to be crucified on Good Friday. What a life, eh?
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that should be an eventful life?
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Yes. I guess so. No surprises, but busy.
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Wow, good news and bad news here. Best wishes to BJ. There may be a TV show series about the recovery? Cable always looking for new material.
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TV show? Yes. Intervention: Bible Style!
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