An angry giant monster, bearing a haunting resemblance to Bill Clinton, rose up out of the Gulf of Mexico this morning and aborted the entire state of Texas from the North American continent. The giant beast used what appeared to be a massive blender and literally pulverized the entire state into mush with it. Nothing remains of the state now except a smoldering hole where it once was, and a cowboy hat believed to have been worn by George Bush Sr the night George Jr was conceived. The giant Clinton-like monster returned to the Gulf when it was done and vanished as quickly as it had appeared. The Tea Party released a brief statement blaming the entire event on Obama Care and gay marriage.