In shocking news today, Jesus, the Lamb of God, was banned for life from a local Denny’s restaurant by the manager, Timothy Jackson. When asked why he banned our Lord, Jackson replied, “Because that dude just about put me out of business with His miracle meal visits every Sunday morning and Friday night. He’d come in and order a piece of toast and a cup of coffee for two or three bucks and then feed the whole damn restaurant of eighty or more people with them. I can’t make a profit with that kinda shit going on. Fucking show off!
And it ain’t like He couldn’t afford to just pay for everyone either. He’s the bloody Son of God for Christ sake! Last I heard, God was not exactly living in poverty and needing to perform fucking miracles just to feed his family. So I kicked His ass out. I’ve a mortgage to pay and two kids in college. I can’t afford to go out of business cause the Son of Man feels compelled to show off twice a week.”