Jesus Banned From Eating At Local Denny’s

 Denny's Manager Timothy Jackson. Happy That Jesus Won't Return.

Denny’s Manager, Timothy Jackson.

In shocking news today, Jesus, the Lamb of God, was banned for life from a local Denny’s restaurant by the manager, Timothy Jackson. When asked why he banned our Lord, Jackson replied, “Because that dude just about put me out of business with His miracle meal visits every Sunday morning and Friday night. He’d come in and order a piece of toast and a cup of coffee for two or three bucks and then feed the whole damn restaurant of eighty or more people with them. I can’t make a profit with that kinda shit going on. Fucking show off!

Jesus Feeding Crowd At Denny's

Jesus Feeding Crowd At Denny’s

And it ain’t like He couldn’t afford to just pay for everyone either. He’s the bloody Son of God for Christ sake! Last I heard, God was not exactly living in poverty and needing to perform fucking miracles just to feed his family. So I kicked His ass out. I’ve a mortgage to pay and two kids in college. I can’t afford to go out of business cause the Son of Man feels compelled to show off twice a week.”

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19 thoughts on “Jesus Banned From Eating At Local Denny’s

  1. Brilliant brother. He should get a proper whipping

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  2. I heard he nearly put the surfboard sellers of Bondi Beach out of business what with that walking on water malarkey!

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  3. Too funny. Only the second post I’ve been a follower for, but definitely the best yet. Thanks for the laugh!

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  4. Man, you are on a roll today! Almost spilt tea all over my freshly made-up bed because of the snorting with laughter! I’m going back to my book, it’s safer haha

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  5. Toast and coffee isn’t exactly what I would call supper. Cheap s.o.b. should have at least paid for a fish fillet to add some substance to the dupli – meals. Sheesh.

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    • Well, I kinda assumed he could turn it into burgers and fries or what ever. After all, he created a universe, so massive, so expansively enormous we can barely comprehend its size, out of absolutely nothing, just for us.

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    • Wait a minute, jebus did all of that? I have to rethink everything I know about cosmology now dammit!

      I thought the schtick was he could turn water into wine, and feed a lot of people with some bread and a few fish. Shows what I know 🙂

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    • Well, he, Yahweh, and the Holy Ghost are the same guy. So they all did everything the other them did, I guess. Kinda makes wine outta water a bit anti-climatic, you know?

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  6. Brilliant concept that works in its simplicity…would agree this is one of your best yet;)

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  7. One of your best yet I feel…

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