Republican About To Shower In Non-Nude Suit
A bill which makes being naked for any reason at any time illegal was passed into law today by the United States House and Senate. “Being naked is the pathway to perversions like homosexuality, masturbation, bestiality, and sex out of wed-lock,” said Republican Senator, Hee Haw Johnson of Texas. “From now on, if any American is ever naked for any reason, they will be strip searched, cavity searched, arrested, and held without bond until they confess to their sick prurient lust for children and pets. Lastly, anyone taking a shower is now required to wear an outfit like the one shown above. Those found showering nude will be summarily executed on the spot,” Senator Hee Haw said.
The Arm Chair Pontificator 
BREAKING NEWS: Senator Hee Haw Johnson, just hours after his anti-nudity bill passed congress, was found hiding nude in a grammar schoolroom closet near his Texas home. He was carrying a clerical vestment and a recent copy of Boys World magazine.
Local police refused to release any further details of the incident. They wouldn’t confirm reports of Johnson’s arrest or that under-age children might have been involved. Breaking News Service (BNS) uncovered the story accidentally when one of our staff members – who lives next door to the Senator – happened to observe the police escorting him home around 9pm and overheard their conversation.
Sen. Johnson’s office contacted our legal team at 10pm and made inquiries about a possible videotape in our possession. BNS would neither confirm nor deny the existence of such evidence.
Film at 11:00.
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Is that a real news report? I’m betting it is. Real life. You just can’t make up shit this good.
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We at BNS are always on top of things!
(at least as much as our commercial sponsors will let us)
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Awesome. That’s some of the best reporting I’ve seen. Kudos to you and your fine staff! 😀
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Whenever I don’t feel good about myself I just think about republicans.
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When I think about them, it makes me not feel good. Though they do provide me some choice comic material. 🙂
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you fucking bastard mate
regards
Mike Steeden
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God damn you! God damn you, Steeden! I won’t forget this you bloody twit! I won’t! God damn you!
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Presumably said Senator wears boxing gloves in bad?
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Boxing gloves with communion wafers glued to them.
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Hahaha
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🙂
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Oh dear — naked a baby comes into this world, then booked and off to jail.
Way to go Texas. The cesspool of America.
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Florida runs a close second. Some would even call the two states even in their cesspooledness.
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Florida is a hell of a lot prettier though. Duped by dopamine, but at least I can drool at the water’s edge. I’ll take Florida any day over the Dog forsaken, tumble weed state of Texas.
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Never been to Texas, but I’m sure I wouldn’t care for it. Florida I visited in August one year. I like heat and humidity less than I do Republicans; so, give me the frigid winters of Chicago and a nice bottle of red wine to warm them with. 🙂
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LOL
Well, I can’t stand cold wind.
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You’d hate it here, then. Chicago was built on wind so cold it’s practically solid ice.
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I have family in Chicago. Have visited several times. I’ll take the Florida heat and humidity any day. 😀
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If there’s a hell, it’s Florida in the summer time. Ugh. 😀
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Why would anyone in their right mind go to Florida in August? 😈
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No one in their “right” mind would. That’s why I did. 🙂
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Hahahhahah
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Bty, did you know that in Chicago, it is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits?
http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/illinois
giggles
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That sounds about right. How ’bout this great Illinois law: “One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth.” That sucks, man. What if someone’s, like, mouth is on fire and you’ve no access to water? What then? Just let their mouth burn? Crazy laws, man. Crazy laws!
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LMAO — I mean to tell ya. These lawmakers in your neck (no pun intended) of the woods are smokin’ crack
“It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck.”
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Seriously? God damn it to hell! I just bought a new giraffe to take fishin’ with me and now I’ve got to return it. Son of a bitch already!
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Ain’t life the chits?
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Yep. That it is.
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Hope you kept the receipt.
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Of course I didn’t. Doing a stupid thing like going to Florida in August isn’t the ONLY stupid thing I’ve done. I do them all the time. Throwing out receipts for exotic animal purchases is pretty damn typical of me. What am I gonna ever do with me?
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Whatever goes on in that head of yours, I really would want to live there even if just for a few minutes.
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It’s a party, my brother. A big one ,too. Got “Hamlet” being performed somewhere in there too today, I think.
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Hahaha! That must be a big one
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“I could be bounded in a nutshell and consider myself the king of infinite space, but that I have bad dreams.”
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I second this.
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I’m thinking of selling tickets to view the workings of my head from the inside. Tonight, we’re performing “Richard the Third” and “Les Miserables” in there at the same time. Gonna be fun.
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