Santa Confesses, “I’m A Jew!”

The Rabbi Santa Clausenberg

The Rabbi Santa Clausenberg

“Not only am I a Jew,” Santa said today, “I’m a Rabbi, too. I know this will, in all likelihood, get the panties of Christendom rolled up into a bunch, but I could stay silent no more. You see, I happen to love kids, and I love giving them gifts to make them happy even more. So, back when Christmas first came along, I saw it as a great opportunity to make a lot of Christian kids happy too, not just the Jewish kids I secretly gave dradles to during Hanukkah. I had a perfectly good toy-making shop in the North Pole that my great Uncle Saul left me, and I decided to put it to good use making toys. I’ve always been popular with the Elves who live in the North Pole, so I hired a few dozen of them to help me out, and we’ve been cranking out toys ever since. Christians just always assumed I must be a Christian because I give out toys at Christmas time, but I’m not. I stayed silent because, well, Christians can be quite the anti-Semitic bigots at times, and I just didn’t want to deal with it. But, enough is enough. I’m Santa. I’m Jewish. And I’m a Rabbi. If anyone isn’t good with that, too bad. Deal with it. I gotta go know. There’s only six weeks til Christmas, and I’ve a sh*t load of work to do before then. Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Merry Christmas to all!”

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29 thoughts on “Santa Confesses, “I’m A Jew!”

  1. Is he also gay? So when I saw him kissing Mommy was he just being nice?

  2. but now that Santa has come clean, what will happen to him? Will he go the way the other Jew went down or is it up depending on where you stand?

  3. I’m beginning to think Santa is a changeling. Not only didn’t I see him as Jewish, I didn’t even think he was remotely Christian. I always thought Santa Claus was a pagan Norse demigod.

  4. Makes sense

  5. Santa, you are brave to come clean. You, the Mrs., and your elves may have to find a place to hide now. Oh, and Santa? — in case you weren’t aware, a recent study of 102 countries showed that 1 in 4 adults harbor some form of antisemitism. I’ll put out extra cookies for you this Christmas.

  6. Funny old world really. Parents let the kids believe Santa is real for just so long then eventually, having groomed them to believe a lie advise them otherwise – double standards methinks!

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