Christmas Gift Ideas From The Arm Chair Pontificator

Check out these great Christmas gift ideas available now at The Arm Chair Pontificator store.

1.) The Crusades Action Playset: Wadda buy that Christian kid you know who just has EVERYTHING? The Crusades Action Playset, that’s what! This little beauty comes with a miniature replica of Medieval Jerusalem, Ten Christian Crusader action figures to storm it, and Ten Muslim warrior action figures to defend it. Help the Christian child in your life learn the sacred value of raping, killing, and stealing from Muslim heathens with this realistically designed playset. As a bonus, each figure comes with its very own miniaturized circulatory system which sprays blood over twelve inches into the air when the figure is stabbed. Buy one now for only $22.78, and we’ll throw in an “Abortion Is Murder” T-shirt absolutely free.

Reenact The Crusades With The Crusades Action Playset

Reenact The Crusades With The Crusades Action Playset

2.) Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Liberals: These life-sized Liberals are the ideal gift for the Conservative Republican in your life who just loves to physically beat the sh*t out of every left-wing liberal he knows. Stand in utter amazement as you watch the Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Liberal take punch after Republican punch while doing absolutely nothing to defend itself. Buy now for $17.98 while supplies last. They’re going fast, so hurry if you want one.

Punch Someone Who Won't Punch Back! Punch A Liberal

Punch Someone Who Won’t Punch Back: Punch A Liberal

 

3.) 100 Tax-Exempt Certificates: When you buy it for God, you buy it tax-free. This box of 100 tax exempt certificates is the ideal present for that wealthy Christian you know who’d rather see roads crumble and poor people starve than pay another tax. Each certificate comes with an authentic George W. Bush signature verifying it’s authenticity. Help wealthy Christians stay wealthy. Give ’em these beautifully designed tax-exempt certificates this Christmas. Each box of 100 is only a meager $244.97, plus tax.

They Can't Tax You If You're Buying For God

They Can’t Tax You If You’re Buying For God

That’s all for now, folks.

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15 thoughts on “Christmas Gift Ideas From The Arm Chair Pontificator

  1. I think you could have a promising career in comedic writing. Great material, much better than most of the crap I see these days.

  2. Damn, another one hit out of the park!. Fucking “A”!

    Funny how the roles are reversed today in regards to the Crusades Action Set. But what the hey, either way you get plenty of blood and gore in the name of Jeebus/Allah. How sick in the head do you have to be to justify religious murder? Nevermind, don’t anwer that, I probably don’t need to know…

    • Yeah. The roles switched back and forth a few times back in the day too. “Kingdom of Heaven” is a pretty good Ridley Scott flick about the crusades I recommend. Watch the director’s cut, though. It’s a lot better than the theatrical cut. In spite of the religious fanaticism of some Muslims today, I’m still far more pissed off by Christians. Probably because I have to put up with them crawling throughout my government like dung beetles through shit. Any way, thanks for the kudos. They’re always greatly appreciated.

  3. Wow, wish I’d thought of that…bollocks what a concept! An atheist voodoo doll comes to mind. Brilliant stuff.

  4. Hahahaha!
    You never cease to amaze with your business ideas. Impressive my friend

  5. I’m interested in The Christian Crusades Playset, but wanted to confirm whether one of the Muslim figures is Saladin…

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